


Ways of Seeing

by Mangoyogurt



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-10-24 22:30:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17712857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mangoyogurt/pseuds/Mangoyogurt
Summary: Life was straightforward. Abide by the rules of your parents and you'd be set for life - to the tune of $300 million dollars. An inheritance of that size was worth every forced cotillion class, debutante ball, and polo match you were dragged to against your will. Besides, you were just a few years shy of claiming the money. So what was another charity league meeting to you, anyways?Too bad your new rough and tumble artist of a neighbor, Kylo Ren, dropped right into your life ready to shake things up.While you're forced to grapple with your family and future, Kylo battles with demons of his own and secrets that may change your lives. Perhaps things aren't always what they seem.





	1. An Exposition

“The relation between what we see and what we know is never settled. Each evening we see the sun set. We know that the earth is turning away from it. Yet the knowledge, the explanation, never quite fits the sight.”  
  
\- John Berger

Life could be rather straightforward if you didn’t trouble yourself with the chore better known as critical thinking. Mother and father had made their point of view quite clear - abide by their expectations and you’d never have to worry a day in your life.

It wasn’t like they had any wild expectations anyways, so you happily attended debutante balls, volunteered with your mother’s charity league, and graduated from an Ivy League college. If wearing Ralph Lauren was all it took to inherit the De Vries fortune...well, bring on the polos. 

Because if you could remain in their good graces until the age of thirty, then you’d be set for life. You’d be willing to do a lot more than attend piano lessons twice a week for the sake of three hundred million dollars.

Ah, the perks of being an only child.

Just a few more years, and you’d finally be free. It wasn’t that your parents were terrible people. They were just...old fashioned. _Old money_. And you couldn’t wait until you could finally live. You wondered what something as simple as making decisions felt like. 

Sure, you were given the freedom to choose things like which sorority to join or whether you preferred to play tennis or golf. But big picture stuff? That was all mom and dad. Even now, as you moved into your modest townhouse, you couldn’t help but heave a sigh. You hated complaining when everything was practically handed to you, but it was hard to be excited by anything these days. 

This was just the next step in the grand scheme of your life apparently. Father had decided that it would be good for you to work for a few years before settling down. It would give you something to do while your parents continued to search for appropriate suitors. 

God, you felt like a broodmare sometimes. 

At least they had approved of your position as an associate at a PR firm. It was just the right amount of respectable and glamorous. You rolled your eyes at the thought that it would just look _smashing_ on whatever CV your parents were sending to potential love interests. 

Either way, you decided to make the most of your momentary lack of supervision. Mom and dad were clear across the country holed up in their Connecticut mansion while you settled down in Los Angeles. 

Heaving a cardboard box labeled “linens” up into your arms, you were shuffling towards the front door when a moving figure caught your eye. Just a few long paces away, your next door neighbor was returning home. 

The man didn’t seem to notice you, but you certainly noticed him. 

Dark tresses framed a soft face that was all wrong and all right at the same time. There was something classic about the way he was built. Statuesque. A sharp nose contrasted against plush lips that begged to be nibbled on. 

A dark plaid shirt was rolled up at the sleeves, showing off cabled muscles that looked like they were earned through actual labor, and not via the gym. His black jeans were cuffed, showing off beaten in leather boots. 

You wondered who the man was. He had been clutching onto several cardboard tubes - the type people used to mail artwork or the like. You continued to stealthily watch as he twisted around in search of keys you assumed to be hidden in his back pocket. 

It was as if you had swallowed sand - your entire mouth going dry at the ripple of his shoulder blades squeezing together. Everything about the man exuded power, function, and filthy sex. He definitely didn’t look like _Reginald_ from the country club. 

Fishing out a keyring, he quickly unlocked the door, and slipped inside. Just before passing through the entrance though, he turned to cast you an inquisitive look. Winking in your direction, he disappeared before your cheeks could even finish blushing.

* * *

This was madness. Absolute _madness_. For God’s sake you weren’t some helpless fifties housewife. Yet, you still donned a pretty denim sundress with white sneakers. Tucking a perfectly curled strand of hair behind your ear, you peered through the curtains to take a look at the house next door. 

For the past week, you’d notice your neighbor coming and going. You weren’t stalking him, _per se_. More like actively learning the habits of your neighbor. Except, he had no habits to speak of. He’d come and go at all hours of the day - always carrying an odd assortment of tools and unmarked cardboard tubes with him. 

You happily noted that not once did a female make her presence known. 

Letting the curtains swing shut again, you adjusted the hem on your skirt and picked up a tray of homemade brownies. Typically, he should have been the one welcoming you to the neighborhood. Something about his demeanor made you feel like he probably had no interest in decorum though. 

So, it was up to you to extend the olive branch. All in a good neighborly fashion, of course. Not because you wanted to jump his bones. 

Confidently striding across his lawn, you rang his doorbell once between politely stepping away. A few minutes passed, and soon you were looking up, up, _up_ into the eyes of a behemoth of a man. Leaning against the doorframe, he unabashedly rover over your figure with his dark eyes. Crossing his arms, he smirked at the brownies in your hands.

“Those for me?”

“Oh! Yes, I just moved in next door and wanted to intro...” 

The words died on your lips as he reached over and plucked a soft brownie with his bare hand and proceeded to shove half of it into his mouth. Your eyes trailed over to where some chocolate ganache lingered on his bottom lip, and fought the urge to reach out and wipe it off.

He hummed in pleasure and immediately swiped the entire plate from your hands. Turning on his heel, he strode into his home without another word. Gaping in confusion, you noted that he hadn’t closed the door. Assuming it was an invitation to follow, you tentatively stepped into the house.

He seemed to be someone who should prefer sleek interiors and something stereotypically bachelor such as dark hues and solid lines. Surprisingly, the place looked as if the Metropolitan Museum of Art had exploded inside. The living room featured a hodgepodge of Renaissance inspired pieces in gilded gold and ivory. 

Actual honest-to-God paintings covered almost every spare inch of wall, while various statues littered the floor in a haphazard way. Crisp white sheets of muslin covered mysterious objects and artifacts scattered about. Despite the general clutter, it seemed as if everything was in pristine condition. 

Your mother would probably have a heart attack at the sight. After all, how on earth would the staff manage to clean between all of the items? 

Continuing to trail behind Kylo, you came to a standstill as he stopped in the kitchen. The man wordlessly motioned for you to take a seat at the island while he filled a kettle with water. _Perhaps he wasn’t completely feral_ , you thought to yourself. 

While waiting for the water to boil, he leaned over the counter and rested his weight on his elbows. Tilting his head to the side, he asked, “So, what do I call you?” 

You supplied your first name in response, and he nodded. The kettle began to whistle, and he turned to tend to it. Talking over his shoulder, he spoke. “I’m Kylo. What brings you down to Los Angeles?” 

“I just started work at a PR firm here. I’m not an agent or anything yet, but maybe someday. What about you?” You tried to not outwardly scoff at the idea that your parents would allow you to work after marriage.

Kylo set a hot cup of tea in front of you and climbed onto the stool to your side. You internally cringed at the sight of Kylo blowing on the steam while tossing several sugar cubes in with his fingers. Unfortunately, you couldn’t contain the physical flinch when he tapped his spoon against the lip of the glass and subsequently sucked on it. 

Where were your pearls when you needed to clutch them? 

Completely oblivious to his social faux pas, he replied, “I’m an artist and freelancer. I enjoy restoring historical pieces as a hobby, and pick up random jobs here and there when I get bored.” 

You pretty sure that great-grandma De Vries would roll over in her grave at the thought of you finding this man attractive. Yet, something about Kylo inexplicably drew you to him. Simply put, the was the most authentic person you had ever run across in the entirety of your life. 

Kylo Ren may be rough around the edges, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

It was easy to chat with the man. Not in the way of practiced small talk you had tediously practiced with your cotillion instructor. Kylo seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say, and you found yourself hungering to stow away more information regarding the man. In fact, you hadn’t even realized that an hour had passed until a text message from your mother distracted you from Kylo’s eager gaze. 

“Oh goodness! I’m so sorry to have taken up so much of your time. Thank you for the tea, Kylo.” 

He waved off your platitudes and stood to walk you to the door. Pausing just at the threshold, he wished you good luck for the first day of work tomorrow.

“Thank you. I sure hope I’ll get there alright. Los Angeles is quite a large city!” 

He chuckled and folded his arms again - a habit he seemed to be fond of doing. “Have you driven in the city yet? I don’t see a car in your driveway.” 

“No. I haven’t had the time to go car shopping yet. I figured that I would just Uber around until I figure out what to do about transportation.” 

Kylo’s brow furrowed and his hands subtly worked at clenching and unclenching. It seemed as if he was engaging in a mental debate with himself. His voice was softer and more hesitant now. “I’m actually heading into downtown tomorrow. I could give you a lift?” 

You grinned at the prospect of spending more time with your handsome neighbor. “If it’s not too much trouble! I really appreciate it, Kylo!” 

He grinned and agreed to pick you up at seven the next morning. Waving goodbye, you bounded home in excitement and anticipation. Finally, there was something to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's always so nerve-wrecking to start a new fic! Next up, Kylo starts up with his antics ;) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	2. Right, Friends.

Polite women were always early. In your mother’s eyes, to be on time would be akin to tardiness. It was a good thing that punctuality had been engrained into your psyche from a young age, because this morning had you fully unprepared for a wicked surprise. 

Kylo strolled out of his house and immediately snorted when he took in your appearance. Balanced atop towering razor thin stilettos, you were patiently standing on the curb clutching onto a Maison Goyard tote. A sharp black blazer paired with skinny black cigarette trousers and a white silk blouse was your choice in outfit today. 

Running a hand through his hair, Kylo chuckled. “I guess it’s my fault for not being more specific yesterday.” You gazed up at the man in confusion, and then slowly followed his line of sight towards a black motorcycle. 

“Oh.” 

Not exactly the most eloquent, but the sentiment summed up how you were feeling. Kylo chuckled and opened a hidden compartment under the seat. “Here, stick your purse and blazer in here. And I’d recommend you change into sneakers or something while we ride.” 

While not unfriendly, his tone was commanding and left no room for argument. You found yourself following his orders on auto-pilot, and ten minutes later you had rejoined his side in more appropriate shoes. 

Satisfied with the change, Kylo then shrugged off his leather jacket. The entire thing dwarfed you, but he still zipped it up anyways. His hand lingered by the collar for the barest of seconds before he nodded towards the bike while handing you a spare helmet. Climbing up after the man, your hands shook while reaching around to hug his waist. 

This was so unlike you. Your father wouldn’t even let you ride rollercoasters for fear of injury. The man almost had a goddamn heart attack when your aunt bought you a pair of roller skates for your eighth birthday. Yet, something about Kylo Ren made you want to throw caution to the wind - to trust him. He looked over his shoulder and gave you an adorable lopsided grin before revving the steel beast to life. 

Instead of overthinking the moment, you chose to press your chest against the warmth of his back. It was dangerous for the man to ride in a t-shirt, but he seemed to be the type unconcerned with safety. Part of you preened at the fact that he put your security before his own - no matter how selfish the thought was. 

Arriving at the high-rise housing your office, Kylo remained sitting on his bike while you climbed off. Pulling his helmet off, he shook his head back and forth and relaxed his tousled waves. He suddenly reached out and grabbed your wrist. 

“I’ll be around the area all day so I can give you a lift home. Why don’t I get your number so you can let me know when you’re off?” 

How was it possible for a stranger to give you so many damn butterflies? Everything about your life up to this point had been about composure. No matter what you felt, it was important to remain as passive and elegant as possible. 

Yet, even the simplest of touches from Kylo made you want to scream and dance on the curb. 

Years of being trained to push down emotional outbursts lead you to simply nod and utter a quiet “thanks”, instead. Still, the dark haired man somehow managed to catch wind of your first day jitters. Gently squeezing your arm, he murmured, “You’ll do great. You certainly look the part.” 

You giggled at his wink and let out a puff of air. Kylo teased the ends of your perfectly curled haired and continued, “Besides. I’m just a text away. Feel free to blow up my phone. Good stuff, or bad, alright?” 

“Why are you being so kind to me?” You couldn’t help but vocalize your puzzlement over Kylo’s behavior. From the surface, he seemed to posses qualities your mother had warned you about - playboy, a disregard for financial security, and far too free-spirited. Yet, despite the superficial first impression, Kylo continued to challenge that perception. 

He simply chuckled and lowered his hand to play with your fingers. “I don’t know. Something about you gives me a good feeling.” Waving goodbye, he then merged back into traffic leaving you to head upstairs on your own - all doubts regarding work and Kylo mysteriously placated.

Upon entering the lobby, you were met with a scene of madness. A flustered intern blew past you while balancing two trays of coffees and several magazines underneath her arm. A receptionist juggled several lines, practically shouting the same line over and over again - “Hello, Chrome PR. Anastasia speaking. Please hold.” 

A wide pane of floor to ceiling glass behind the front desk separated the lobby from the workspace. Peering behind Anastasia, you noticed an open floor plan. The entire place looked less “office” and more “tasteful meeting space”. The high-end furniture looked straight out of Architectural Digest. 

You could see several individuals flitting back and forth across the room - some clutching onto magazines while others balanced a phone in the crook of their neck while pacing the floor. In the back corner you noticed a group of well dressed individuals hovering around a large calendar as they argued over dates. 

A voice interrupted your thoughts as a towering blonde woman suddenly addressed you. She had cracked the glass door open and stuck her head out to shout, “You! New girl, right? Get your ass in here. Our clients aren’t going to represent themselves.” 

Scampering towards the woman, you ran into the room as she immediately turned to stalk back into the offices. She continued to quickly talk without even sparing you a glance. 

“Chrome PR manages some of the biggest stars today. Film, music, literature, art - it doesn’t matter. If you’ve got a public image, then we’ll manage your PR. I’m Phasma, owner and head agent - _Jessika, why are you at your desk and not hunting down Dameron? I don’t care if he’s on vacation. We need the man to do a re-shoot or he’ll lose his GQ cover_ \- Anyways, you’ll be assisting Paige, a fellow associate agent. There will be no client contact until you’ve proved your worth. Got it?” 

“Yes, ma’am!” 

Phasma suddenly halted mid-step, and you swore you could hear a screech in your head. The imposing woman slowly turned to look you in the eye for the first time. 

“ _Never_ call me that again. Understood?” 

Your hands trembled as you slowly nodded. Phasma’s eyes narrowed before she nodded towards a space behind you. Two desks were pushed to face each other - one was barren while the other was clearly in use. A lean woman was perched on the edge of her table, flipping through this month’s issue of Vogue. 

“Paige! This is your new partner. I’ll need you to teach her the ropes before we let her loose on Los Angeles.”

The leggy Asian woman looked up and flashed you a wide grin. You were used to being in uptight and stressful situations, but seeing a genuine smile did wonders to soothe your soul. The woman gently set down the magazine and sashayed over to you. She was everything your parents would adore - elegant, beautiful, and classy. 

Watching the two of you shake hands, Phasma then turned and left without goodbye. Paige’s eyes crinkled as she laughed, “Don’t let her get to you. Phasma is tough, but she’s fair. And the best in the industry. You won’t learn as quickly anywhere else.”

Gesturing to your desk, Paige continued to talk. “I represent a handful of celebrity chefs and a couple of actors. We’ll mostly be facilitating interviews, helping our clients land endorsements, getting them in magazines, red carpet appearances - pretty straightforward stuff. You’ll be shadowing me for the time being until Phasma thinks you’re ready. From there, you’ll get one client - usually someone up and coming you can grow with. Any questions?”

You shook your head no, and Paige flashed you another kind smile. “Alright! Then let’s get to work!” 

Apparently “work” meant combing through every publication, both physical and online, for any mention of a client. You meticulously worked to flag each mention, and then categorized every article based on length and importance. After printing and cutting everything out, you then filed the paper into large binders organized by celebrity. 

Despite the repetitive nature of the job, you still felt incredibly fulfilled and excited. For once, you actually felt like what you did had consequence. You were earning your own money, and that meant more than the worth of your paycheck. 

By the end of the day, you were exhausted but happier than you had been in ages. The addition of seeing Kylo and wrapping your arms around his body - however platonically - only added to the excitement. Just as promised, the man was waiting on the street with a helmet in his hands. 

Contrary to what your father would believe, you managed to get home on the back of Kylo’s motorcycle in one piece. You coyly thought that a woman could get used to the sensation of clinging onto the warm and spacious back of a well muscled man. In fact, you were rather reluctant to release yourself from his heat - something that didn’t go unnoticed by Kylo. 

Walking you up to the front door, you were surprised by the rather gentlemanly action. Kylo picked up on your sentiment and chuckled, “I might be a motorcycle riding artist with a dirty mouth, but I _was_ raised properly by my mother.” 

You immediately felt embarrassed for judging the man so quickly. Fumbling with your keys, you stammered, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you feel like...”

Kylo interrupted your sentence with a bark of laughter. Leaning a forearm against the frame of your door, he shifted forwards and teased, “No harm done. Why don’t you make it up to me this weekend? I have a few pieces on display at a local show, and I didn’t want to check it out alone...” 

Interest piqued as you looked up at Kylo. Was this a date? 

“...it might be nice for you to get out and spend some time with a friend. You know, since you’re new in town.”

Apparently not. 

You couldn’t help but push down a wave of disappointment, only to chide yourself for even thinking of Kylo that way. Dating someone like him was only asking for heartbreak and complication. Even if you did fall head over heels for each other, it’s not like there was any place in the universe for your lives to collide outside of being...friends.

Maybe friends was a hidden blessing. “Friends” wouldn’t cause you to face actual, adult, emotions. “Friends” wouldn’t lead to a lost inheritance. “Friends”...well, you could do friends. 

Sighing with a small huff, you finally unlocked the front door. Turning to face Kylo, you put on your best placid expression. “Sure! Sounds like fun. Text me the details?” 

Kylo nodded and shot you his trademark grin. It was all crooked teeth and lopsided curves, but perfect nonetheless. He shoved his hands into his pockets and replied, “Definitely. And...I’ll pick you up for work tomorrow? Same time?” 

Your breath hitched as you took in his slightly reddened cheeks. The man cast his gaze elsewhere and avoided eye contact. 

“Yeah. Same time.” 

He smiled and gave you a nod before taking off across the lawn back to his own place. You watched his retreating figure and rested your head against the wood of your front door. 

Right. 

_Friends_.


	3. Hidden Hallways

As a woman who both delivered and received judgement, you found yourself rather familiar with the noun. As uncomely as it was to gossip, you sure liked forming opinions on the old money folk within the social circle of your parents. After all, if you were focused on scoffing at _them_ , then you wouldn’t have to focus on _yourself_.

It was fun to roll your eyes at Regina, the professional housewife now re-married thrice, who still refused to wear white after labor day. Despite the fact that it was 2019, and _who the fuck cared?_

It was easy to tease Sebastian the elderly neighbor (neighbor being used loosely since his estate was several acres away from your family home), who refused to purchase anything on credit. His family had come from _gold_ , damnit, and he’d never trust a “flimsy piece of plastic”. The man carried cash everywhere, and was quite famous for accidentally leaving behind hundred dollar bills wherever he went.

Still, you felt guilty for being excessively critical of those back home. Because, at the end of the day, were you really any better? 

Kylo was coming around soon, and you were still in the closet standing knee deep in designer clothing. Logic would easily dictate that your outfit tonight be functional and casual. Despite his mention of “seeing some art”, it seemed highly unlikely that Kylo Ren was the type to sip champagne while trying to suss out whether or not Kenny from the clubhouse was going to outbid him.

Yet knowing all of this could not deter you from instinctively cringing if you reached for anything less than semiformal. 

Oh, God. You were turning into your mother. 

The doorbell ringing forced you to make an executive decision, and you scurried out of the room in something painfully business casual. _At least this isn’t a date_ , you regretfully sighed in your head. 

Flinging the front door open, Kylo immediately took notice of your serious attire and laughed. “I swear I’ll keep asking you to hang out just to see what the hell you’ll come out of the house in.” 

Locking the door behind, you defensively spat, “What? A blazer is a perfectly acceptable garment to wear at a gallery viewing! You’ll notice that it has metallic trim. _Very_ nightlife-esque if I may say so myself.” 

Kylo only shook his head and snorted before turning to walk towards his motorcycle. Tossing his leather jacket in your direction, his eyes crinkled in amusement as you shrugged on the oversized garment. You continued to chant a mantra of “just friends” in your head over and over again. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to misconstrue his kindness. 

Even when he turned to chuckle in your direction, “As much as I like seeing you in my clothes, I think I’ll get you your own riding jacket. Could be cute to match every time we ride, huh?” 

Your heart thumped against your chest at his statement. _Every time we ride_. Just how many rides was Kylo Ren hoping to take you on?

* * *

Pulling up to an abandoned warehouse, you dryly thought to yourself that this was it. You were about to become a stupid trust fund baby who allowed a handsome and mysterious man to lure her to her death. Your mother would have no choice but to go on sabbatical to hide from the whispers and prying eyes of her country club pals. The Maldives were lovely year round, right? 

As if able to hear your inner dialogue, Kylo draped a strong arm around your shoulders and chuckled. Small puffs of vapor collected in the cold air around his lips as he spoke. 

“Relax, doll. The show is inside the building. I’m not going to murder you.” 

Despite remaining somewhat suspicious of the man, you still eased into his grip and felt your body slacken against his formidable frame. Smirking at your compliance, his arms never left your body as he lead you towards an unmarked door. 

An unassuming man was leaning against the wall smoking his cigarette down to the filter. Catching Kylo’s eyes, the men gave each other a polite nod before the pair of you were let into the room. As soon as you crossed through the door, it was as if you had been transported into another realm. 

You resisted the urge to cover you ears in an infantile show of muffling some of the heady bass assaulting your eardrums. Throngs of the most unique and colorful individuals were packed into the space. Some were dancing, others were crowded around a makeshift bar, while most were gathered around various sculptures and paintings lining the walls. 

At the risk of sounding like a total loser, you nervously asked, “Are you sure we’re not at a club? I...I don’t think I’ve ever seen _dancing_ at an art gallery.” Jesus. When did you become the reverend from Footloose?

Kylo leaned against your ear and shouted over the music, “I never said we were going to a gallery. We’re at a _show_. Art is three-dimensional, babe.” 

You’d typically bristle at anyone calling you “babe”, yet the words somehow felt _soft_ with Kylo. He gave you a grin that was only possible via actual excitement as he dragged you over to the folding table they were dubbing a “bar”. Kylo immediately struck up a conversation with the bartender, seemingly already familiar with the man behind the table. 

Perking up at your name, you then pushed down a wave of disappointment as Kylo referred to you as his “friend”. The tattooed supplier of all things alcoholic gave you a friendly nod and pushed a plastic cup in your direction. Sniffing at the liquor, you cringed at the acrid scent. It smelled decidedly...low brow. 

Unwilling to burrow further into your self-titled lameness, you tossed your head back and guzzled the beverage down in one fell swoop. You could do this. You could be hip...relaxed... _young_. 

You felt completely out of your element here. Sometimes it seemed like you sprang out of your mother full grown. Even as a child and well into your teenaged years, you were never given the freedom to act your age. Goofing off and “finding yourself” were privileges set aside for the proletariat. 

Kylo’s eyes widened in amusement and surprise at your sudden throwing caution to the wind. He, too, tossed his drink back and slammed the empty cup down on the table. Snatching two bottles of beer off the table, he stuffed a twenty in the bartender’s shirt pocket. Gripping onto the cold glass, you felt condensation run between your fingers. 

“You’re not supposed to mix different types of alcohol.” 

The man actually rolled his eyes at you, and your cheeks pinked in embarrassment. Slipping his hand into yours, Kylo lead you away from the bar and towards a cluster of sculptures. He yelled over his shoulder, “Don’t you find it exhausting to live your life with so many rules?” The man didn’t wait for your response as he continued, “I can see it, you know. Everything in your life is dictated by some sort of parameter or boundary.”

Shrugging your hand out of his grasp, you stopped in your tracks. Your eyes were fiery as you crossed your arms. “That’s not true! I’m plenty interesting!” you shouted over the music. Kylo stopped and came to stand right in front of you. Bodies continued to ebb and flow around your static forms as the man towered over your shaking frame. 

Cupping your chin, he tilted your head to the side so he could run his nose along the side of your neck. Stopping just by your ear he murmured, “It’s not a matter of whether or not you’re interesting. You’re plenty interesting to me, doll. It’s a matter of _letting go_.”

His breath was warm against your cheek as he slowly lowered his hand to run his palm down to your arm. Just as his hand clasped your own, you were suddenly jolted as an inebriated stranger bumped into your back. Crashing into his chest, you resisted the urge to bury your face into the fabric of his shirt and inhale like a freak. 

Instead, you stumbled backwards and muttered an apology. You’d pick “awkward” over “clearly deranged with no sense of boundaries” any day. 

In his typical easy going nature, Kylo only chuckled and continued to drag you across the room Pausing in front of a trio of sculptures, he fanned his hand out towards the pieces and jokingly exclaimed, “ta-da! What do you think?” 

It looked like someone had salvaged scrap metal and haphazardly bolted pieces of it together. The sculpture wasn’t really anything - the entire thing was abstract in shape and honestly looked like it was one accidental bump away from collapsing. 

Frankly, it was awful. 

Schooling your face into one of polite indifference, you cheerfully replied, “It’s interesting. That’s the beauty of art...the fact that it’s subjective. How does it make you feel?” 

Kylo narrowed his eyes at you and mulled over your words. Stepping back he crossed his arms and flatly replied, “You think it’s terrible. Although, your talent for deflecting uncomfortable questions and turning the conversation back to me is terrifyingly good. I hope you use your powers for good.” 

“Excuse me? I merely meant...” 

The artist cut you off with a loud guffaw. Gripping his ribs, he cackled at the flustered pink creeping over your skin. “Relax! I’m just kidding. This isn’t even my piece. It’s total shit, but I appreciate the fact that you’d try and save my feelings.”

“Why would you do that?” you cried in indignation. 

“I wanted to see if you’d be honest! I’d say that you pass with...fifty percent. Technically you weren’t straightforward, but you’re pretty easy to read.”

Kylo ignored your irritated swats in his direction, and skillfully dodged a slap towards his chest. Grabbing onto one of your flying wrists, he ignored your protests while continuing to walk along the wall. At some point he tossed your empty bottles away before heading down an empty hallway. Kylo pulled out a key to open an unmarked door and ushered you inside.

You stepped into a neat and spacious square room simply furnished with a large ottoman in the center. Three towering canvases were hung up - one on each wall. Almost instinctively, you felt your feet shuffle towards the painting closest to you. Silently gazing at the work, you noticed that the cotton canvas had been manually stretched over a handmade frame. You could almost feel the tension in the fabric. 

It was a portrait. A face, brought to life through wide and flat brushstrokes in muted sepia tones. Chaos churned within the oil paint with pieces of it rising up towards the viewer. The work was somewhat vague, only hinting at certain features. You could tell it was a man though. An aged one who seemed proud and daring. 

Slowly circling the room, you took notice of two additional portraits - a second man and a woman. The pieces were emotional, and whispered at secrets and hidden sentiments held by the artist. 

“Do you like them?” Kylo quietly whispered from across the room. The door was now shut, and he was leaning against the wood with his hands fisted in his pockets. Turning to face the man you could only murmur, “They’re beautiful. Haunted, but beautiful.” 

“Haunted?” Kylo asked as he kicked away from the wall to casually stride towards your direction. 

“There’s pain. Unresolved tension.”

Kylo was standing in front of you now. Hands still in his pockets, he tilted his head to consider your words. “I didn’t realize you were so attuned to matters of art.” 

“I’m not. But spend enough time around frauds, and you really start to appreciate the genuine.” 

“And do you feel like this is real? What’s happening between us?” 

“I thought we were just friends.” 

You hated how breathy your voice had become, but it was as if some unseen force had removed all oxygen from the room. Kylo had now slowly snaked his hands out of his pocket. Although they were still resting at his side, you swore that they twitched in your direction.

Kylo’s eyes were wide pools of caramel as he softly met your gaze. Tucking an errant strand of hair behind your ear he replied, “We’ll see about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! 
> 
> Cue innuendos about Kylo Ren and _riding_ things, eh? 
> 
> Things are heating up between these two, but I wonder if she'll make it easy for Kylo. Something tells me that she's the type to put up a fight. We'll find out next chapter! 
> 
> As always, thank you SO much for reading. It truly gives me so much joy to share my love of writing with everyone <3


	4. A Non-Talk

Kylo Ren was unlike any other man you had ever known. 

The sentiment sounded melodramatic, but it was wholeheartedly true. Honestly, you chalked it up to only having been exposed to a rather small selection of men in your lifetime. It wasn’t exactly like the pool of the insanely wealthy could be considered deep. To make matters even duller, it seemed like most of the one percent operated under the same values and interests. It didn’t matter who you talked to - conversation usually revolved around the same five subjects. 

Gossip. Material possessions. Travel. Ivy league education. Finance.

Frankly, you could probably have the same exact conversation ten times at any given function you mother dragged you to. That’s how predictable your world was. 

But with Kylo? The man kept you on your toes. One minute he could muse over his favorite pointillism artists, and the next he’d be passionately debating immigration law. You’d seen him talk about his favorite cereal with the same fervor he spoke about climate change. The man ignited fire within you - always pushing you to question your own point-of-view and never settling for a firm answer on anything. 

“Life isn’t black or white. There’s no such thing as truth. That’s what makes it worth living,” he’d murmured while waving a cigarette dangling dangerously loose between his index and middle fingers.

It was easy to get sucked into the fold of Kylo Ren. The brooding man seemed to always be hovering in your peripheral. The two of you constantly orbiting around each other, but never quite crossing paths the way you’d wish. 

Even if the wish was dangerous one. 

The enigma of a man was constantly throwing mixed signals, but you couldn’t fault him for it. It didn’t seem like Kylo was the type fo play games. He simply lived his life on a whim, resulting in a flighty nature that couldn’t quite be pinned down. 

Yet, he was so sweet. Tender, almost. Despite a sneaking suspicion that Kylo actually _didn’t_ have any errands to run in the city, he still took you back and forth to work every morning. Some days he’d even use your emergency key and let himself into your home. You’d come back from a weekend errand to find the man standing in your kitchen barefoot. 

Hair half pulled back with a small elastic at the top, he looked unabashed in pajamas while hovering over a pot of tomato soup. He didn’t even flinch at your wide eyes of surprise. His only response with a nonchalant, “How does grilled cheese sound for dinner?” 

He spent just as much time in your home as you did in his. He had a special sense of when work was especially tough. Without even asking, he’d skip your place and drag you straight into his living room. Tossing a pair of his own sweats and a t-shirt in your direction, he’d put on a movie and call for takeout. 

Spicy Thai curry and Tom Kha soup - your favorites for those bad days. 

After the third time, you learned to stop protesting. By the fifth occurrence, you silently made your way into his bedroom on autopilot. Combing through his drawers, you helped yourself to the man’s clothes while he queued up whatever Netflix series the two of you were halfway through. 

Despite the growing comfort, you never really addressed _what_ was going on between you. You’d sometimes hug or he’d lay his head in your lap while you played with his long locks, but it never progressed past that. 

Although he never mentioned dating or brought other women to his place, he didn’t exactly shy away from female attention either. During a night out, it took every ounce of self-control not to kick up a fuss while watching some leggy blonde practically crawl up Kylo at the bar. You felt guilty for feeling anger at the sight of his hand resting against her hip in a way the he never did with you.

After all, what could you say? Stay away from my _friend_ , he’s mine? 

Even though he sensed that something was off on the cab right home, he never addressed it either. The two of you just settled into awkward silence between parting ways on the sidewalk. The next morning he woke you up with the smell of coffee, and as you walked downstairs towards the scent of bacon and eggs, you reached a mutual agreement to not talk about it. 

_That_ , you could do. In fact, you’d consider yourself a connoisseur of _not talking about it_.

Just like how you didn’t talk about your parents missing your college graduation because they were in Cabo. Just like how you didn’t talk about lunches and dinner that remained untouched during high school. Just like how you didn’t talk about how you had absolutely zero interest in whatever suitor your parents wanted you to meet next weekend.

You sighed and smacked your head against the stack of glossy magazines piled on your desk. It was almost the end of day. In just one short hour, you could head home and start the weekend. Although you were sure that Kylo would be at every turn of your Saturday and Sunday, you’ve become quite good at pushing down any misguided crushes.

Looking up at the sound of a chair scraping against marble, you gave Paige a weak smile as she slid across from you.

“Long week, hun?” she kindly asked while pushing a bar of chocolate at you. 

She laughed as you mumbled something intelligible with a mouth full of Hershey’s Cookies n’ Cream. Taking advantage of your momentary silence Paige continued, “We’re all going out tonight. You should come!” 

Swallowing down the chocolate, you politely waited until your mouth was clear before responding. “That sounds like fun, but someone’s already one their way to pick me up.”

“You mean your boyfriend?” 

Sputtering in an unladylike manner, you cleared your throat and gasped, “Pardon?!” 

Paige rolled her eyes and broke off a piece of white chocolate for herself. Waving it in the air as she talked, the woman sighed, “Tall brooding man who drops you off and picks you up _every_ day? Yeah, there’s no way that I wouldn’t have noticed _that_ hanging out in front of the building.” 

You were still coughing even as Paige scarfed down a second chunk of candy. She continued, “You should bring him! My sister is coming with her boyfriend, too. It’ll be fun with more people. I won’t take no for an answer. I’ll text you the address! See you at eight!” 

Before you could even formulate a response, the tall woman stood and glided away in triumph. Damn, she was good. No wonder why Phasma trusted Paige with the more difficult clients. She seemed to have a talent for getting people to agree to her will without kicking up a fuss. 

Sighing, you slumped into your seat just in time to receive a call from the man himself. Answering with a weak “hello?”, you were shocked by the immediate worry you could hear in Kylo’s gruff voice. “Hey! Everything alright, babe?” he asked in concern.

And then it hit you like a ton of bricks. 

The way Kylo had seamlessly integrated himself into your life. How he was the first and last person you saw every day. Kylo was so intwined in your very being that he could extrapolate and distill your emotional state through a single “hello”. 

No, Kylo wasn’t your boyfriend. But apparently you wanted him to be. 

Shit, this was really going throw a wrench into your “marry by thirty and inherit millions of dollars” scheme. But in a few short months, Kylo had managed to turn your mindset and world upside down. Free will was a dangerous game to play at, but Kylo was beginning to show you the cracks in the façade of your life. 

Maybe being a living embodiment of a trophy for your family name wasn’t all it was cracked out to be. 

Maybe you wanted _more_.

Trying to mentally will the shakes out of your voice, you quietly replied, “Yes, I’m fine! I just had a funny conversation with Paige, that’s all.” 

“Oh? Tell me about it.” 

You let out a shaky laugh. “She invited me...us...out to drinks tonight. It sounds like fun, but she’s under the impression that you’re my...”

“Boyfriend?” 

You blushed at the way Kylo nonchalantly filled in the gap. God, this was so embarrassing. While you were tittering like a schoolgirl, he was apparently blasé in regards to the idea of dating. Silence permeated the conversation before Kylo continued, “I can hear you thinking over there. Look if you haven’t figured out that I like you beyond neighborly kindness by now, I don’t know what to say. But if ‘putting a label on it’ makes you feel uncomfortable than don’t. I’m not going to shy away from my feelings just because you can’t figure out your own, though.” 

“What? It’s not like that, Kylo!”

“Look, it hasn’t exactly been a secret that you have issues with addressing what’s going on between us.”

“Of...of course I like you. I just...” 

“You’re confused because mommy and daddy aren’t there to tell you what to do?” 

This time the silence was not one of awkwardness, but rather hostility.

“That was completely uncalled for,” you flatly seethed before hanging up. Despite knowing that it was immature, you turned your phone off to avoid additional messages from Kylo. Turning on Chrome PR’s internal messaging system, you quickly typed a message out to Paige. 

Yes, you were going out tonight. No, Kylo was not coming. 

Several hours later, you were sequestered in the back of whatever hot spot Paige was currently frequenting. It was just yourself, Paige’s sister, and her sister’s boyfriend right now. Apparently your coworker found the bartender far more interesting, and had disappeared sometime after her second whiskey neat. 

Rose, the younger sister, was a sweet woman with a face that could hide no lies. The woman co-owned a downtown bakery alongside Finn, her boyfriend and partner of six years. Although the man worked alongside his girlfriend, his true passion was in writing comedy. You felt for the poor guy. He’d still run gigs and standup shows after closing up, only to get a few hours of sleep before opening up for the morning rush. 

Despite only knowing the two for a few hours, you felt yourself drawn to the pair and their optimistic outlook in life. Sure, they were living paycheck to paycheck, but they didn’t seem concerned whatsoever. 

Just being together made it all worth it. Rose gushed that having a partner in Finn made the impossible seem surmountable. It didn’t even matter that they couldn’t save up for a wedding. 

“It’s all just labels. What’s the use of a title if there’s no substance?” Finn fiercely stated while tightly holding onto Rose’s hand. 

It made you think of Kylo. _Labels_. Kylo didn’t seem concerned either, but it was a difficult sentiment to wrap your head around. Because, frankly, your entire life revolved around titles. Titles dictated how you treated other people. How much respect one could demand. A person’s position within the hierarchy of life. 

Except, it was starting to seem like nobody else operated in that manner. People like Rose and Finn seemed better off for it. 

Rose clasped her hands over yours and sang, “I’m so glad that Paige introduced us! I think we’re going to _best friends!_ ” 

On any other day, you’d brush the sentiment off as a drunken rambling, but the woman was so genuine. Smiling in response, you closed your fingers over her own and nodded. Finn guffawed as his girlfriend’s antics and shook his head. The three of you settled into pleasant conversation.

You talked about how Phasma felt it was almost time for you to take on your first client. Rose explained her vision for a bakery that could give back to the community. She was already working on an initiative to donate unsold baked goods to the homeless shelter. Finn asked for your opinion on a few bits he was working on, leaving you clutching onto your stomach as your doubled over in laughter. 

Finn was in the middle of a hilarious recounting of a run in he had with a local stray when you were distracted by a looming figure making its way towards you. Ever intuitive, Rose immediately caught onto your brows knitting together, and craned her neck to find the source of your tension. 

“Do you know him? He looks _pissed_ ,” Rose whispered as her head whipped back around to look at you. Finn’s spine stiffened at his girlfriend’s sudden change in demeanor. You panicked the sight of Finn puffing up his chest, and immediately reached out to push the man back into his seat. 

“Yes! I know him! It’s okay, Finn,” you soothed. The last thing you wanted was a fight to break out over a misunderstanding. Leaping up onto your feet, you assured your newfound friends that you’d be okay, and quickly strode over to intercept Kylo. 

Stumbling away, you met the man on the dance floor. Despite the ebb and flow of dancers, he was static with his arms crossed in agitation. He didn’t even wait until you were in front of him before shouting, “Seriously? You turned off your phone? I waited for you in the lobby for an _hour_ , and almost lost my fucking mind worrying about what the hell happened to you!”

Crossing your arms in petulance, you shamefully felt the attitude of a spoiled brat sneak into your demeanor. For the longest time you prided yourself on not being like one of _those_ rich kids, but the combination of anger and alcohol was chipping away at your resolve. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Kylo shouted over the throbbing bass of whatever generic electronic music was blaring overhead. 

“I told you about my overbearing parents in confidence, and you used it against me! That..that wasn’t kind. Using the difficult relationship I have with my parents so flippantly like that was...” 

Kylo’s face softened at the sight of you worrying away at your bottom lip. He ran a hand through his hair and huffed. Moving closer, he wrapped his other hand along your bag and pulled you flush against his chest. You squeaked into the broad plane of skin - surprised by the sudden change in demeanor. 

“You’re right, that was unfair of me. I’m sorry. I just...I don’t know what the fuck to do with you. Before you, I just did whatever the hell I wanted. But...getting to know you just made me realize that I want more. More out of my life. My relationships. Everything.” 

“It’s not that I don’t...it’s just that things are...complicated...” 

You couldn’t believe that you were actually having _this_ conversation with Kylo in the middle of a goddamn dance floor. Shouldn’t delving into the intricacies of your relationship with Kylo, whether platonic or romantic, be better done over coffee?

Not while some barely legal model writhed against your back. 

Catching onto your pained expression, Kylo laughed and stepped aside to pull you to his side. Speaking while he walked back towards where you came from, he shouted, “How about we talk about the details at home. You like me, and I like you. That’s enough for now.” 

“How did you even find me?” you asked, eyebrows raising in amusement and curiosity. Kylo laughed and replied, “Lucky guess. There are only so many bars cool enough for yuppie PR agents to frequent.”

Sticking your tongue out at the man you teased, “And how would the likes of _you_ know what ‘yuppie PR agents’ like to do for fun?” 

“I work in the world of art. Believe it or not, our two worlds do intersect. Unfortunately, that intersection is a select group of privileged brats. I hear a thing or two.” 

Subtly wincing at the words ‘privileged brats’, you shook off the offense. It wasn’t Kylo’s fault. Sure, he knew that you had overbearing parents, but you spun the story to sound more “upper middle class” and less “Scrooge McDuck”. Technically being a real estate agent wasn’t too far off from your dad’s profession. He sold and bought tons of properties...if by “property” you meant shopping malls, towering office buildings, and apartment complexes all over the world. Oh, and that wing named after your family at the Met... and the Tate Modern...and the...

The crowed thinned out as the two of you approached a section of plush couches lined against the wall. Rose caught your eye and excitedly waved you over, completely unaware of the suspicious daggers her boyfriend was shooting towards Kylo. 

If Finn had his reservations regarding Kylo, they were cemented as the artist made himself right at home. Sliding into the booth, he spread himself out comfortably before tugging you into his lap. Grunting in surprise, you plopped on top of his thigh and giggled as Kylo snaked his arm around your waist.

At least he had the sense to introduce himself and use his free hand to shake that of Rose’s and Finn’s. Smiling at the petite woman, you thought to yourself that being best friends didn’t seem unrealistic. It was refreshing how she just dived right into situations, already joking and getting to know Kylo. She didn’t even bother asking for clarification on the situation - it genuinely seemed like she couldn’t give a damn what was going on between yourself and the man you were perched atop of. 

Definitely a far cry from the “friends” you knew back home. Sherri and Sonja would definitely gossip up a storm if they even saw a millisecond of your interactions with Kylo,

And even though Finn was somewhat reserved and icy, you still felt affection bloom for the man. It was clear that he was weary out of concern for your own wellbeing. The fact that he would _care_ so much about your safety after knowing you for such a short time was touching. He certainly seemed the type to be fiercely loyal to his friends.

Kylo’s grip tightened against the dip of your waist as he leaned forward to whisper into your ear. Plush lips and warm breath brushed against your ear as he murmured, “I know we’re supposed to have a ‘serious’ talk later, but why don’t we have some fun first?” 

All you could do ignore the fluttering in your chest as you leaned into his touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned that your comments and sweet support mean the _world_ to me? Because they do. They truly, wholly, really do! Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> Next up, we may or may not have a talk with Kylo. Let's see what happens!


	5. A Shock of Orange

Even outside, loud music could be heard thumping through the club’s thin walls. The heady bass was only damped by scattered chirps of club goers huddled around a single heat lamp. Watching the strangers jump from foot to foot in an attempt to stay warm, you felt a pang of sympathy for the smokers. Health concerns aside, it was no longer very _trendy_ to smoke. That meant indulging in cigarettes was banned inside the club, relegating those who choose to partake in the pastime to do so outdoors.

Kylo flicked his finished cigarette to the floor and crushed it with the heel of his boot. Dragging the filter side to side, he exhaled a final plume of smoke before shifting his weight to walk towards your direction. 

“Sorry about the wait. It’s a shitty habit,” Kylo groused as he lazily tossed an arm around your shoulder - a habit that had begun well before your awkward confessions of liking one another.

Steering you towards the curb, he flicked on his phone to pull up Uber. You had insisted that Rose and Finn not wait around to go home while Kylo smoked one last cigarette. Paige was long gone, never reappearing after leaving to hunt down her hunky bartender. The only peep coming from the flighty woman being a text message to not wait up for her.

Followed by a creative string of eggplant and water splash emojis.

Kylo’s hands slowly snaked down to wrap around your waist from behind. Melting against his warm chest, you practically purred as he tucked a chin into the space next to your neck. He peered over your shoulder and chuckled at the message thread between yourself and your coworker.

“Snooping is rude,” you teased playfully as you shifted your phone out of his view. There wasn’t actually anything to hide, but the principle of the matter still stood. 

Kylo merely hummed in response and pressed languid kisses against any exposed skin he could get his plush lips on. Maybe it was the alcohol, or your confessions of “liking each other”, but this was the boldest in physical affection Kylo had yet show. “Hiding things from me already? That’s not a good way to start a relationship,” he murmured into your neck. 

Despite being jokingly shoved away, Kylo still maintained his grip at your hips. You turned around and laced your own hands around his neck. “Who said you were my boyfriend?” You asked with a lighthearted lilt in your voice. 

“Nobody. But I’d like to be.” The joking had stopped. That much was apparent by the clarity and seriousness in the tobacco of his eyes. His gaze was intense and unfailing as he waited with bated breath. 

“Kylo, dating me isn’t going to be that straightforward. There’s something I...”

A honk interrupted your sentence as a Uber driver waved. He shouted Kylo’s name through the open window on the passenger side, effectively killing the moment.

Although Kylo never unlaced his fingers from your own, the entire journey home was done in silence. Even as he tugged you into his home and up towards the bedroom, eerie quietness continued to permeate the space between your bodies. It was as if you had reached a silent mutual fear that any sound could disrupt the tentative peace you both settled into. 

It wasn’t until when the thick pads of his fingers began to fumble with the pearlescent buttons of your blouse did the silence break. Lightly gripping onto his wrist, you stopped his motions. Biting the bottom of your lip, you cast your eyes downwards. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I just...can’t.” 

There wasn’t an eloquent way to explain the brokenness of how you rationalized away your uptight nature. Kylo Ren was a _man_ , and while your physicality practically cried out for his touch and penetration into your soul and body, your mind cried for other reasons. 

Now was not the time to explain how abstinence was beaten into your psyche. Nor was it the time to unravel and unpack how your family’s reason for said “morality” messed you up. Because it wasn’t even a sense of piety that formulated their stance on the matter of sex. It was merely the fact that your virginity could be used as leverage in finding a proper suitor. According to your mother, nobody wanted _damaged goods_. 

Much to Kylo’s credit, he immediately halted his actions. Dropping his grip from your chest towards your palms, he instead took your shaking hands into his own. His voice was understanding and gentle as he rumbled, “It’s okay. It’s okay. There’s no rush. We can just sleep.” 

You mutely nodded and walked towards his dresser. Even facing away from the man, you could still feel his gaze lingering against the back of your head. If you had been uncertain, the feeling was confirmed as his breath audibly hitched when you slowly slid your slacks down your legs. Stepping out of the pants, you pulled your blouse off at the same time and dropped the garment to the floor. 

Stilling your own breathing, you reached into Kylo’s drawer and pulled out one of his large shirts and pulled it on. The fabric slid to mid-thigh and hung loosely on your frame. Suddenly feeling emboldened, you forewent pants and instead turned to slide into Kylo’s bed. The man’s eyes seemed to smolder, and followed to undress as well. 

Ending up in nothing but his black boxer briefs, he followed you into bed. Sliding next to your form, he gently maneuvered to spoon you against his chest. He pressed a kiss against your hair and whispered, “Is this okay?” 

Your senses were assaulted by the behemoth. Spicy hardwood and toffee tobacco filled your nose. Warm heated skin slid across the back of your soft thighs. Closing your eyes, you murmured “yes” in response, and pressed yourself closer against Kylo’s body. And as he tucked his chin over the top of your head, you slowly fell asleep.

* * *

The sun trailed in through an open window, and you instinctively stretched your body. Your foot brushed against a warm thigh, causing your eyes to fly open in surprise. Last night’s events immediately came flooding back to your memory as you pushed yourself to sit upright. Kylo was still sprawled across the bed in peaceful slumber. The man was on his stomach - head turned towards your direction while one heavy arm was slung against your thighs. Even in sleep, he needed to maintain physical contact. 

You smiled down at his form. Although you were still tentative regarding your future with the man, one thing was for sure - you had never felt this way about anyone before. Man nor woman, nobody had stirred your heart the way that Kylo did. 

His transparency in affection was refreshing. The kind of future Kylo offered was something you had never considered before, but perhaps it was what you had always wanted. 

Autonomy. Options. Joy. A curious life of exploration. Room to make mistakes.

You were at peace for just a split second before the shrill ringing of your phone interrupted the silence. The sight of your mother’s name flashing across the screen immediately negated any hangover effects as adrenaline pumped through your veins. Kylo roused from the sound of your phone and blindly groped in your direction as he huskily called out, “Babe, it’s too early for phone calls. Get back in bed.” 

He looked up in surprise as you hushed him and quickly picked up. Even to your ears, your voice sounded much too high as you squeaked, “Good morning, mother!” 

The woman’s voice was unhurried as she stretched out every vowel. “Hello, dear. Listen, I know that we were supposed to get brunch next week, but your father and I needed to fly into California earlier. You know how it is with the winery. Anyways, we’re coming down from Napa right now, and can meet you at Hotel Bel Air in an hour or so. You’re not busy, right?”

Of course. It was just like your parents to expect you to drop everything to cater to their every whim. You bitterly thought that they weren’t wrong - after all, they controlled your schedule and you lived on their dime. 

Still, you’ve been trained in the art of composure, and kept your voice level regardless of how disappointed you were that your Saturday wouldn’t be spent lazing in Kylo’s bed. “Of course not, mother. I’ll be there on time.”

“Perfect! And try not to look a mess, honey. We might not be in Connecticut, but we still know people here.” 

Your fists were clenched into tight balls as you gritted out an affirmative. She didn’t even say goodbye as the line clicked dead. Sensing the waves of irritation rolling off your back, Kylo sat up to pull you into an embrace. “Everything okay, babe?” 

“Yeah. My parents just sprang a surprise brunch on me.” 

“Oh, that sounds...nice?” Kylo was now rubbing circles into your palm. Talking about families always made him feel uncomfortable. After all, Kylo choose to have zero contact with his own. You shook your head and sighed, “It’s not. Seeing my parents...it’s not nice. The entire time I feel like I’m being scrutinized, and it just devolves into my mother berating me for an hour, my father acting like he’s not there, and me hating myself more and more.” 

Kylo frowned and furrowed his brows. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” 

“I know that. But like I said, it’s complicated. I want to tell you, but it’s a whole _thing_ , and I don’t really have time to go into it right now.” You dropped your head into your hands and groaned. Kylo wasn’t happy with your answer, but knew better than to rush you. 

“Fine. But we need to talk about what the fuck is going on between us at some point.” 

You peeked between your fingers and nodded. “Tonight, when I get back. I promise. I’ll even make you dinner.” 

Kylo snorted in response. “We both know that you don’t know how to cook for shit. We also know that what’ll really happen is that you’ll go out this afternoon, come back, and _I’ll_ be the one at home with food ready on the table.” 

You leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss against his cheek. Gently running your hand through his locks, you smirked, “That’s why I keep you around.” 

He rolled his eyes and moved to get out of bed. Stretching this way and that, his body twisted and contorted in ways that made your heart race. “Where are you going anyways?” He called over his shoulder as he shuffled towards the ensuite bathroom.

“Oh! Hotel Bel Air.” 

Kylo paused in his movements and slowly turned to face you. “Isn’t that place, like, $250 bucks a person?” Your cheeks reddened in embarrassment at the figure. Truthfully, you never really looked at how much things cost. It made you sound like a total brat, but it wasn’t like money was an issue. What was a few hundred dollars to a multi-millionaire? You might as well have been dining at Chipotle. 

Your voice stuttered slightly. For once you weren’t completely poised with the perfect answer. “Oh! Uhm, I wouldn’t know. I - uh - have never been before, you see. My parents...they’re so silly! Maybe I heard them wrong.” 

Kylo’s eyes narrowed in response. He knew the signs of someone dodging a question, but decided now wasn’t the right time to pursue the answer.

* * *

Three hours and an Uber ride later, you stood in front of the hotel poised and waiting. Clad in an easy lace shift dress and kitten heels, you began to play with your perfectly curled hair. As soon as a shiny black Cadillac appeared though, you immediately ceased all actions. It was funny - even though you were a fully functioning adult, you still feared your mother’s rebukes against fidgeting. 

An unknown driver exited before walking around the car to open the backseat doors. Your mother stepped out first, followed by your father. Putting on a brave face, you gave your mother a few air kisses before your father pulled you into an awkward embrace. Sometimes you swore the hugs were so awkward because man instinctively went in for handshakes, but caught himself last minute. 

Your mother ushered you into the lobby and began to drone on and on about herself. Not once did she stop to ask how you were, even though this was the first time you had seen your parents since moving across the country. As per usual, your father remained stoically silent.

“...and then Sherri had the nerve to try and start her own charity because I wouldn’t allow her to serve on the board for our junior league. But could you _imagine?_ She’s completely green! Her husband _just_ came into his wealth within the last decade. Something technology related or the other, but that’s aside from the point. She’d never _understand_ how to _socialize_. It’s really for her own good.”

Your father was quite adept at ignoring your mother’s ramblings, as demonstrated by how he easily went about checking your party in with the server and answered some work e-mails on his phone without second thought. You, yourself, maintained polite disinterest when the sight of five chairs caused your mastered placidness to break.

“We have guests?” 

“It’s rude to interrupt, dear. But yes. I thought I mentioned it to you on the phone. You should really pay more attention sweetie,” your mother answered in a bored manner before launching into a different tirade regarding Eva, her newest manicurist. You fought the urge to spit back that no, your mother had not informed you that you were walking into a matchmaking session.

Stiffly sitting down at the round table, you internally rolled your eyes at the fact that your mother placed you next to the open chairs. She wasn’t exactly subtle when it came to manufacturing situations for yourself and possible suitors to get closer. Just as your mother was about to launch into yet another story regarding her charity league, your father cleared his throat and made to stand. 

You followed suit, and caught sight of an older looking gentleman quickly making his way to the table alongside a younger man. Straining to look at the younger companion, you guessed his age to be somewhere in his thirties. He was impeccably dressed in a three piece suit that screamed bespoke. Nothing about him was out of place - suit in a neutral navy, hair perfectly coiffed back, and face clean shaven. He’d be a perfect chameleon blending into any boardroom or country club. 

The only thing that would differentiate him from his business buddies would be a head full of shocking orange hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gee, I wonder who the "mysterious" suitor is? x)
> 
> Anyways, happy weekend guys! I got a sudden wind of inspiration with this story, so I've actually written out more chapters. I'm debating between whether or not I should post them close together or space it out so I can catch up on more writing. Inspiration comes and goes for me, and sometimes it can be ages before I get any good ideas. Honestly, does anyone even care about whether or not updates are scheduled (i.e. once a week)? 
> 
> Maybe I'm overthinking this. Somebody save me and let me know what they think <3


	6. Stupidly, Stuipid

Your mother leaned closer and conspiratorially whispered, “Brendol is in town with his son, and we thought it would be an excellent time for you to meet his son Armitage. They’re _European_ and related to the _royal family_ , can you believe it? Excellent breeding!” 

You resisted the instinct to retort that “European” was rather vague, and the word “breeding” made sound like a broodmare. Even if your parents technically saw it that way, you’d like the dignity of pretending you were human. As per usual though, you bit your tongue and settled into your seat, while schooling your face into one of placid indifference as your mother prattled on about the Hux family business. 

Just before she launched into an extensive overview of Armitage’s educational background, the man finally reached your side. A round of introductions were made, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes as your mother subtly pushed your chair closer to his. 

“Armie. Armie is fine,” he whispered into your ear as he pulled a cloth napkin into his lap. You flashed him a smile that was all saccharine, and began to dig into your archives of polite conversational topics. 

How is Cambridge during the Fall? I’ve only been during the summer, but would love to see it during other seasons. I heard that the new liberal arts building is...

Oh, do you know Poppy as well? Isn’t she just lovely? And what an accomplished violinist! Speaking of, have you been following the soloist from the New York Philharmonic? What a talented woman...

You then moved onto talking about your respective jobs, finding out that Armitage just recently moved to Los Angeles as well. The man was heading the American division of his father’s international shipping business, and was living oh-so-conveniently near your current place. 

You actually found him much more interesting than the usual suspects within the circle of your acquaintances back home. Once in a while when he got excited about something, you could see bits and pieces of his true personality flash for just a moment. Although he was quite good at immediately composing himself into a stoic imitation of a statue, you could see bits of sarcastic humor and playfulness begging to be let out.

Armitage was tall as well, and impeccably dressed in a suit that somehow _didn’t_ look outdated on his narrow frame. Honestly, if your life had taken a different path, you probably would have entertained the idea of dating him. He seemed nice enough. 

But it was too late now. Kylo had shown you that _nice enough_ was frankly, not enough. You wanted so much more. You wanted Kylo. And despite the deep unfairness of it all, you couldn’t help but compare this man to your newfound lover. 

At least the company was amiable, and brunch whizzed by much faster than you expected. Soon, you were back on the street in front of the hotel waiting patiently for your parents to wrap up their chat with Brendol. 

Armitage was facing you. Arms clasped tightly behind his rigid spine, he held a regal air about him. “It was lovely getting to know you,” he politely stated. You nodded and returned the sentiment as you resisted the urge to tug at your hem out of boredom. The man paused for moment and tentatively ventured, “If you’re interested, I’d like to get to know you better...” His voice was just barely a murmur before he chuckled and added, “And hopefully without parental supervision. It feels odd having my father watch me fail miserably at flirting with a beautiful woman while in my early thirties.” 

You looked up at him with wide eyes. Was...was he _flirting_ this whole time? Your brain immediately began to panic. It would be unfair to lead the man on, but your parents thought you were single. Turning him down now would certainly raise more than a few red flags. And that last thing you wanted to do was have _that_ conversation with you parents on the middle of a sidewalk. Thankfully, Brendol cut in just in time.

Except he made things much, much worse. 

“Armitage! The De Vries have invited me to come along to a gallery showing of some new artist. Why don’t you be a good man and drive their daughter home? Take my Maserati!” 

There was no room for argument as the man handed his son the keys and your mother practically shoved you into the waiting vehicle. You nervously played with your hands the entire time, almost too stressed to follow a conversation with Armie. Even if he was just casually discussing benign subjects such as your favorite L.A. haunts and hobbies. 

There were so many uncertainties in your life, and you were about to pay the price for not facing those questions head on. Even though you weren’t _technically_ doing anything dishonest with Armie, it still made you feel slimy inside. While it remained unspoken, the purpose of your little getting to know each other dance was clear - courtship. If things went according to your mother’s plan, then you could be married and settled in the Hux estate with a baby on your hip all within a year and a half. 

You shuddered at the thought. 

If he was aware of your discomfort, Armie made a good show of ignoring it. You weren’t too surprised though. The man was also well versed in the act of cordial passiveness. Even as he walked you up to your front steps, he remained pleasant and relaxed. 

As soon as Armitage placed his lips against your cheek though, you felt your skin prickle in heat. It wasn’t from the man’s affections though; rather, it was from the steely glare of Kylo as he stood on the sidewalk watching the entire exchange.

You felt panic. Kylo was balancing a bag of vegetables in his arm, meaning that he was on his way to your place for dinner. He stared you down, agitation rolling off of him in the form of tension in his shoulders. 

Sensing your body stiffen, Armitage stepped back to follow your line of sight towards Kylo. Cocking his head to the side he asked, “Do you know this gentleman?”

You squeaked, “Oh, yes! He’s my neighbor coming over for a potluck.” Armitage pivoted his body towards the man.

_No. No. Nonononononononono!_

Your worst fears came true as Armitage made quick work of closing the space between himself and Kylo. Sticking a hand out, he introduced himself as Armie Hux. You stressfully watched as Kylo shifted his bag to the other arm and returned the handshake.

“Kylo,” he gritted out. Armitage furrowed his brow and asked, “Have we met before? I apologize, but you look familiar.”

“You must be mistaken. I’ve never seen you before.”

Kylo dropped his arm and pushed past the redhead. He was through the door and out of sight without another word.

You rushed over wringing your hands. “You’ll have to excuse him, Armie!” He waved off the apology and chuckled, “No, no worries! I understand. I, too, have a few acquaintances unlike us.” You hated the way Armitage winked and whispered as if he were saying some sort of dirty secret. 

Kylo _was_ unlike you, and thats what you liked and respected so much about the man.

Quickly bidding Armie goodbye, you made a halfhearted promise to “grab a coffee” before slamming the front door and flying into the kitchen. Kylo was hunched over a cutting board, aggressively chopping onions as he seethed in silence. 

“I can explain.”

That sounded just as lame out loud as it did in your head.

Kylo didn’t even look up as he flatly retorted, “Yeah? Want to explain how brunch with your parents turned into some ginger prick kissing you on your doorstep?” 

“He wasn’t kissing me like how you’re insinuating, Kylo. And if you’d just let me _explain_ , then you’ll know that I didn’t even know the man until today! My parents just sprung Armie on me. I’m obviously interested in you!” 

Knife discarded to the side, Kylo still remained facing away from you with both palms flat against the counter. You could see the ripple of his shirt as he attempted to control his breathing.

“You sure seemed chummy with Armitage.” 

You paused midway through taking off your jacket. “Kylo, how do you know his full name? He introduced himself as ‘Armie’...” 

“Lucky guess.” 

You threw your jacket onto a nearby dining chair and stalked up to the man. Despite hearing your approaching footsteps, Kylo still refused to meet your gaze. Refusing to give up, you pressed further. “Kylo. Armitage isn’t a common name. He...he said that you looked familiar...” 

Kylo huffed and loudly tossed his knife into the sink. “We’re not talking about me right now. We’re talking about all of your fucking _secrets_ and _indecision_.” 

“I’ve made my feelings for you very clear! I’m not going to apologize for not blindly jumping into something without talking about things like an adult!” 

Kylo whipped around and stalked up to you while dryly laughing. “Adults? _Adults?_ Tell me, what kind of adult runs around with their tail between their legs at the first mention of their parents? I don’t need to be in a relationship with someone if they can’t stand up for me. For _us_. You want to talk about adult relationships? Then explain to me why your parents thought you were single enough to toss you into a blind date?” 

“We _just_ discussed out feelings _last night_ , Kylo! I wasn’t going to make a scene during brunch!” 

You were both chest to chest now, panting from raising your voices. You were surprised to find that you not only felt anger towards Kylo, but exhilaration as well. As sad as it sounded, you had never actually argued with anyone before. It’s not like you had any siblings to fight with. Talking back to your parents was unthinkable, and with others you were taught to just swallow any negative feelings. 

With Kylo, you had permission to express your emotions - both positive and negative. The choice to have a choice...well, that was a foreign concept you were unfamiliar with.

“You want to talk? Then let’s fucking talk. Let’s talk about how I’m falling head over heels for you, and you’re leading other guys on because you can’t stand up to your fucking parents. Either you want me, or you don’t! I’m not going to be jerked around anymore.” 

“Fine! I want you! There! Happy now? I want to be your _stupid_ girlfriend, and be _stupidly_ in love, and have _stupid_ fights with you because I actually care!” You screamed back. Your eyes were wet, threatening to spill over into tears as your breath hiccuped over your words. 

Kylo’s eyes widened at your confession, and quick as lightning his lips descended upon yours. Wetness combined from tears and saliva drowned his kisses in your anger and love. Warm plush lips skated over your own while trembling hands reached out to grab at each other. He continued to kiss you like he’d never have another opportunity to feel your skin against his own. 

Time dissipated and then just as soon as he was upon you, the man broke away with a pant. Slipping your hand into Kylo’s you whispered, “But I _need_ to tell you something before you really decide to jump in this with me. I...I don’t like keeping secrets and I don’t want you to hate me...” 

He gripped your cheeks with his palms and cooed, “I could never hate you. No matter what, I could never hate you.” 

Casting your eyes to the side, you sighed. It was now or never. 

“The reason why I’m so frightened of my parents is because...because I’m an heiress. To the De Vries family fortune.” 

Kylo’s face visibly paled as he took in your words. You tilted your head to the right in confusion and asked, “Are you okay? Do...do you know anything about my family?” 

“I’m fine! No...no, I don’t.” Kylo brushed off your inquiry and pulled you in for another kiss. 

Despite the tender moment, you couldn’t help but feel a sinking sensation in the pit of your stomach. Something told you that Kylo wasn’t being completely honest with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three things I love in life: 
> 
> 1\. Overusing _italics_ because, why not?   
> 2\. Sexy fighting with Kylo while he's cooking.  
> 3\. All of you lovely readers <3 
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! I truly cherish each and every one of them. I hope you all have an amazing weekend <3


	7. Freedom Earned

The day’s events with your parents, Armitage, and Kylo left you tossing and turning in bed. Even with Kylo’s soothing form pressed against your restless body, sleep still evaded your consciousness, By five o’clock you decided to throw in the towel and delicately extracted yourself from your boyfriend’s snoring form. 

Standing by the edge of the bed for just a minute, you admired his peaceful face. Despite literally just officially getting together a few hours ago, you’ve had the privilege of seeing him asleep on a regular basis. Even as “friends”, you’ve slumbered together both accidentally and on purpose. Sometimes with your heads pressed together on the couch as The Office ran in the background, or in bed as one or the other was too lazy to run home after a long night of hanging out.

A smile tugged on your lips as you listened to him snuffle a few times before settling into quiet snores. Who would have thought that the tough giant was actually a sweet pup? 

Slipping on one of Kylo’s flannel button ups, you padded downstairs to the kitchen. You mused over last night’s conversation with him as you quietly set about making some herbal tea. 

It was easy. Almost too easy. While you weren’t complaining, per se, you still felt like something was off about how quickly Kylo accepted your situation and wanted to move on from the subject. Of course Kylo could just be a ridiculously understanding man who was unrepentantly loyal and supportive, but you found it hard to believe that he didn’t have a _single_ question to ask you. 

Even perfect strangers found the history of your last name somewhat curious. 

_“Wow, a De Vries! I studied about your family during my Introduction to U.S. History course! The textbook said your family gave birth to the industrial revolution!”_

_“Is it true that since your net worth is three-hundred million dollars, that means you family fortune is in the billions?”_

_“Oh my God, is Taylor Swift really your best friend? I saw photos of you guys together on her Instagram!”_

You rolled your eyes at the last one. No, you were not friends with Taylor Swift. What had actually happened was that your mother shoved the two of you into a photograph together. Her agent was more than thrilled to paint Taylor in an elegant and classy light, while your mother got to pretend you were a total socialite hanging out with celebrities. 

The truth was that you actually had no friends to speak of. Sure, you had acquaintances you made small talk with during events. But there wasn’t anyone you would actually call to hang out with. 

Until now. Being out on your own allowed you to make you own decisions regarding your social life, and you were more than happy to draw in the likes of Paige, Rose, Finn, and even Kylo. Slowly, you began to understand the idea that family could be what you made of it - not what you were born into.

Sighing, you poured hot water into your mug and shuffled towards the living room. Settling into your favorite spot in the corner, you turned your thoughts back to Kylo. As crazy as it sounded, you were in love with the man. Your eyes had finally been opened - you had actually been in love with Kylo for quite some time. But your denial of the situation caused you to turn a blind eye to the sentiment. And seeing your parents during brunch was the final nail in the coffin. 

You were ready to give up your inheritance if it came to it. 

It was madness. But falling in love with Kylo Ren, artist extraordinaire, was a bit mad, wasn’t it? All you knew was that for the first time in your short life, you were finally alive. The only power you family had over you was one in monetary form, and you decided that a price could never be placed on freedom. 

So, you talked it over with Kylo and made a plan. You’d continue to date in secret for the time being until you could save up enough money from your job to create a healthy little nest egg. As for Armitage, you’d meet him for coffee and find a way to gently turn the man down without causing any waves. When the time came, you’d come clean to your parents regarding your relationship and see what happens then.

If they accepted your decision, then fantastic! If they didn’t, you’d at least have some savings ready to go once they cut you off. Kylo swore that he’d do whatever he could to take care of you if it ever came to that, but you vehemently disagreed. 

You wanted to earn your freedom. Which meant that you’d focus on your career and make your own damn money. You firmly told Kylo that you’d even stop touching the allowance your parents sent you every month. 

The pride in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed when you made that last statement.

“Babe, what are you doing up?” Kylo’s husky voice floated across the room. You sat up straight and turned around to catch your boyfriend as he leaned against the wall. Rubbing an eye with his fist, he cast a lazy yawn.

“Just thinking,” you quietly murmured into the dawn soaked room. Kylo ambled over towards you and hopped over the couch. Tugging you onto halfway onto his lap, he draped you over his body as he laid down on his back. “Feel like thinking out loud?” he asked as he trailed a warm palm along your goosebump riddled arms. 

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I’m just surprised that you’re not the least bit curious about my family.” 

He wrapped two strong arms around your chest and quietly hummed in thought. Knowing the telltale signs of Kylo thinking through his emotions, you waited patiently for the man to respond. He sighed, “It’s not that I’m not interested in your family. It’s just that sometimes...sometimes it’s better to just let the past die. That’s something I...personally understand.” 

You shifted to look up at the man and asked, “Are you saying...” 

“Yeah. There are things in my past that I’m not particularly proud or fond of. But it’s all over now, and I want nothing to do with it...or them...any longer.” 

As much as your curiosity began to rear its head, you decided to forgo pursing that part of Kylo. After all, didn’t he have the right to move on from whatever happened to him prior to your meeting? If his past was truly dead to him, then it’s not like prying would do any good at this point. Although, it wouldn’t hurt to just double check a few important facts. 

“You’re not a criminal, are you?”

Kylo laughed hard enough to lightly bounce you against his rumbling chest. Kissing your temple he replied, “No, I’m not. Don’t worry, there’s no secret wives or children or seedy pasts like that. I just...I don’t have a good relationship with my family. I’ve severed ties with them to the point of changing my name. And I’ve made a few mistakes in my youth I’m not particularly proud of. I don’t really want to go into it right now.”

You could respect his need for space. It took yourself long enough to feel comfortable enough to divulge your own secrets, and truth be told, you haven’t even scratched the surface of unpacking your struggles. 

These things take time, and you were a patient woman.

* * *

It seemed that none of your upbringing translated into actual life skills. Who would have thought that knowing how to properly Foxtrot had no bearing on whether or not you knew how to pay taxes? Kylo was unfailingly patient and understanding though. You sat side-by-side in the dining room table with various writing implements and a calculator. 

Thankfully, Kylo donned the role of teacher quite effortlessly. He carefully drew out charts and graphs to help you understand where you paycheck went every month. Kylo then helped you calculate a feasible savings goal, and how to properly divvy up your money. The man even went as far as to thoroughly help you understand your job benefits.

From health insurance to your income taxes, no stone was left unturned. 

You appreciated the fact that Kylo was not only patient, but not judgmental as well. He had nothing to say on your salary, and never once made you feel stupid. Even if you asked him what a 401K was. 

While lying in bed, Kylo gently played with the ends of your hair and quietly asked you what you wanted. No, not in the literal right here right now sense. But in an overarching general life sense. You paused for a moment - the question startlingly new and unheard of before. 

With newfound determination and the support of Kylo behind you, you puffed up your chest and decided that you were going to _go for it_. You wanted to be a career woman. In the short few months of working at Chrome PR, you realized that you received a great sense of satisfaction knowing that your actions had consequences. 

Things you did with Paige directly affected the lives of your clients. Plus, it was a great deal of fun to be in communication with so many parties, and working in the entertainment industry was full of newness and change. You wanted to be a leader, and to take charge. Not only did you want to feel powerful and autonomous, but you wanted to earn that right. 

You could see your future - a portfolio of impressive stars and a happy home with Kylo. 

Kylo, the man who saw you for your worth before you even recognized it. 

He ran a palm down your cheek to gently cradle your neck in his hand. Pressing a gentle kiss against your lips, he murmured, “You deserve all of that. I swear that I’ll be right here beside you the entire way. No matter what.” 

Kissing him back, you never felt surer of anything else in your entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooof, this month is already shaping up to be a bit brutal to me, and it's only the second! Traveling is fun, but not when it's for work. And especially not when I'm gone every weekend and still working M-F x) 
> 
> BUT, your comments and kudos continue to give me the fire to keep chugging along, so thank you so much for continuing to encourage me! Reading everyone's thoughts, no matter what, gives me so much joy <3


	8. Lack of Denial

California is hot. It’s about as expected as mind-numbing traffic on the 405 after two, or smelling burning sage at least once a day. Yet you couldn’t help but feel some irrational irritation at the sun’s rays as they beat down upon you face. Still, you maintained your calm and reached to take a sip of ice cold water. Wiping some condensation off against the cloth napkin sitting in your lap, you looked around at your surroundings. 

Armie had impeccable taste, that much was clear. You were seated on the patio of a French bistro. The place was trendy and ridiculously adorable, but still casual enough so that there wouldn’t be any pressure and you two could chat in a relaxed manner. 

Talking to Armie was surprisingly easy. You chalked it up to similar upbringings (everything about your social circle operated on formulaic social interactions), but the truth probably lay closer to the fact that the man was rather amiable. 

He had waited an acceptable amount of time to invite you out for coffee, the entire exchange spent speaking playfully enough to come off as somewhat flirtatious, but not overtly vivacious to seem aggressive. 

You giggled thinking of your interaction with Kylo prior to heading out to meet Armie. Kylo looked akin to a grumpy puppy. He huffed and puffed as you got ready, even going as far as to mumble, “Why the hell are you trying to look so damn cute?” 

“Kylo, I don’t look ‘cute’. I’m wearing what I normally wear,” you groaned while clasping a small gold pendant around your neck. Kylo poked and prodded at your outfit, grumbling that you never wore skirts that short to work. 

“Because _that’s_ work, and _this_ is going out for a coffee on a Saturday!” 

Despite his half-hearted protests, Kylo still walked you to the front door. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you tugged him closer to your body and pressed smooches against his face until he relented and kissed you back. 

“I’ll be back before you know it, and you can finally start teaching me how to cook so I don’t accidentally poison our kids someday,” you teased before flouncing out the door. 

Kylo was fully prepared to milk more guilt from your faux “date” with Armitage, but your sentence stopped him right in his tracks. He watched your retreating figure in silence as the words “our kids” bounced around in his head. 

He quite liked the sound of that. 

Back to the Bistro, you patiently tapped away on your phone texting Paige. You were in the middle of a conversation made up almost entirely of memes when you heard footsteps approach the table. Standing to greet Armitage, you gave the man a kiss on the cheek before sitting back down.

“Sorry for the wait. I’m still getting accustomed to the traffic here. I think the ten freeway has a vendetta against me.” 

“I’m sure the ten has a vendetta against everyone,” you laughed. 

The waitress appeared and took your orders - a mocha for yourself and an Americano for Armie. Your conversation was lighthearted and friendly, updating each other on your jobs and filling the space with typical “getting to know each other” topics. 

By the time your beverages became cold, you knew it was time to address the elephant in the room. Just as you took a breath though, Armitage beat you to it. 

“I really enjoyed our conversation today, and would love to get to know you better. Would you be interested in getting dinner with me next week?” 

You blushed, flattered that he liked you enough for a date. In another lifetime, you could see yourself with him. He was kind and clearly someone your parents approved of. Plus, he seemed to be the type of boyfriend who would leave his lover to their own devices. You were sure that a marriage to Armie wouldn’t be loveless, but it wouldn’t be exciting either. 

You knew better now. You knew Kylo, and your heart belonged to the artist who excited a flame within you that blazed brighter than the sun. Dabbing at the corners of your mouth, you set down the napkin and took in Armitage’s hopeful and tranquil expression. Although your hands shook, your voice was steady. 

“I enjoyed our conversation, too! But...I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to date. I’ve decided to really focus on pursuing my career, and I just know that the moment we start dating my mother will be pushing us to marry. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” 

Birds quietly chirped as you held your breath. Armie seemed to mull over your words before a smile spread over his face. He chuckled lightly to himself before responding, “I don’t think it’s just that, is it? You’re in love with the man I ran into the other day. Your neighbor?” 

Color drained from your cheeks as you fumbled, “What? No! That’s preposterous. We’re just friends!” 

Armitage raised a hand to stop you and laughed. “It’s okay. I...I understand how it feels to love someone you shouldn’t. And I appreciate your decision to honestly turn me down instead of leading me on. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I’ll tell my father that you’re a fantastic woman, but there just wasn’t any chemistry.” 

“Th...thank you, Armie.” 

He waved off your gratitude and replied, “But I do mean it when I say that I’d like to get to know you better. I think we’d be fantastic friends, wouldn’t you say?” 

A weight now lifted off your shoulder, you nodded and relaxed back into friendly chit-chat.

* * *

The door slammed shut, and Kylo immediately descended upon you before your shoes even came off. The man was like a relentless hound - checking every corner of your body and even going so far as to _sniff_ you. Swatting him away in annoyance you huffed, “Kylo, I’m not going to do this with you if there’s no trust.” 

He crossed his arms and groused, “I trust _you_. I don’t trust _him_.” 

You laughed at his indignation and gave Kylo a series of sweet butterfly soft kisses. It seemed like the man needed more honey and less vinegar. “You don’t know him, Kylo.” The man rolled his eyes and knelt to the floor. Reaching out, he helped unlace your white sneakers before placing them neatly by the front door. 

“I don’t need to know him. I know guys like that. Rich kids with their lives planned out for them. I’m pretty sure that his parents will have already planned your wedding out by the time he gets home.” 

Looping your arm into the crook of his elbow as he stood, you leaned your head against his shoulder while walking the both of you towards the kitchen. Sitting him down at one of the barstools, you busied yourself with making some tea. 

“That would be true if I wasn’t hopelessly in love with you, but I turned him down. He actually took it quite well. Apparently he’s in love with someone else, too. He’s a nice guy, Kylo. He even offered to meet you for drinks. He says he’s lonely in the city, and would love to make some new friends. I think it would help if he expanded his social circle outside of what his dad approves.” 

“Wait, you love me?” 

Your hands hesitated over the kettle. Shit, did you say that out loud? You’ve felt love towards Kylo blossoming for some time now. But your lack of experience in the area and the precarious start of your relationship forced you to retreat within yourself. 

You had spent too much of your life denying yourself basic emotional output, so what was a few more months of denial? Apparently your affection for Kylo outgrew your psychological barriers though, and resulted in an uncontrolled admission of your feelings. 

Would Kylo feel the same way? Would it scare him off? 

Opting for silence, your hand finally wrapped around the handle to pour two mugs of tea out. Although you could hear Kylo shuffling out of his seat, you still remained facing away. Maybe if you busied yourself with the task at hand, you could pretend that none of this was happening.

Unfortunately, you penchant for _not talking about it_ only works if the other party wanted to participate. And Kylo was done with _not talking about it_.

Large hands smoothly slid around your body. Running down your sides, they rested at your hips. Kylo’s chin lightly rested atop your shoulder as his nose edged the side of your neck. “Do. You. Love. Me?” Kylo quietly whispered, punctuating each word with a kiss. 

First at your shoulder. Then your neck. Behind your ear. Finally, on your cheek. 

Your breath shook. You were done denying yourself. And in that moment, you swore to never deny the love of your life. 

“Yes, Kylo. I love you.” 

He purred in pleasure and pressed a kiss into your lips. Pulling back, he spun you around to face him head on. Resting his forehead against your own, he quietly replied, “Good. Because I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a sucker for jealous puppy dog Kylo!


	9. A Unexpected Visitor

Paige wanted something from you. 

Working alongside the vivacious woman for past three months had given you an intimate insight into her mannerisms and thought processes. Not only had she helped you flourish into your role as an associate agent, but you had grown close as friends as well. If lunch wasn’t taken with a client, then it was enjoyed with each other. 

You had even extended your friendship outside of the office, growing close with her sister Rose, too. You frequented the small, yet dynamic, woman so often that she even deemed a corner of the bar top “your spot”. Sometimes you’d work out of the office, perched atop of stool balancing a scone in one hand and a magazine in another as you flagged any interesting industry news.

Even Finn was becoming a constant fixture in your life. The man would leave you in stitches every time you visited. Because the bakery operated in an open-kitchen setting, that meant the couple worked directly across from you. Finn would studiously mix batter cracking jokes and new bits. You’d end up in tears to the point where Rose would playfully snap her towel at Finn and chide him to get back to work. 

The greatest joy of all though was the fact that everyone got along with Kylo swimmingly. Despite how different each individual was from one other, it was those differences that made the friendship work. It certainly helped that your newfound group of friends were unpretentious and rather flexible - always down to try new things. 

Sometimes you’d gather for after work drinks at a dive bar Kylo frequented with his art buddies. On weekends it wouldn’t be a surprise to meet for brunch at some trendy bistro Paige frequented while star searching. Once in a while you’d all join Finn at a comedy club - either watching his set or a friend’s. And Rose would tug you all around town on a wild goose chase for some very specific ingredient she couldn’t get out of her head. 

You swelled in contentment and optimism. This distinctly unique group of individuals breathed excitement into your once suffocating life. They urged you to try new things, and excitedly joined your quest of self-discovery. 

Every experience only brought you closer to your friends. So, as you peered over your monitor to watch Paige fidget with her manicured fingers...you knew something was up. Sighing, you pushed back from your desk and scooted over to look at your friend. 

“Paige, what’s up?” 

She actually had the audacity to feign surprise. Unwilling to let it go, you leveled a steely gaze and waited. Paige groaned and finally relented. 

“It’s really not that big of a deal, but I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. Uhm, so you know how Phasma mentioned that you were ready to take your first solo client?” 

You nodded and tilted your head in interest. You weren’t quite sure where this conversation was going. 

“Well, I wanted to ask if you’d be willing to take Finn? He doesn’t just do stand-up, you know. He’s also breaking into doing comedies. Just T.V. stuff for now, but I just know that he’ll get to film, too!” 

“Sure. Yeah, that’s not a problem. But I don’t see what the issue is,” you nonchalantly replied before swiveling to close a rogue notification on your desktop. Paige was now pushing towards your side of the table, her stilettos scraping against the floor as she scooted her way over in the office chair.

She reached out to hold your hand. “I can’t take Finn because it’s too personal with him practically married to my sister. But I didn’t want you to feel obligated because we’re friends. You only get one client to start with, and I didn’t want you to miss out on another star or opportunity because I asked you to help him out.” 

You gave her a good-natured laugh in response and tightened your grip. “Paige, Finn is one of the funniest guys I know. His work ethic is insane, and he’s got this crazy charisma. I’d be lucky to represent him. Plus, it’ll help my nerves to represent a friend for my first client.”

Paige threw her arms around your neck and squealed. Pulling apart she squealed, “Thank you so much! Okay, I’m totally planning a party at my place this weekend. Just a small get-together to celebrate. This is going to be amazing!”

* * *

Apparently Paige and yourself had different definitions of “small get together”. Kylo had one hand wrapped around your hip while the other clung onto a bottle of red wine. You had been expecting to see a couple of extra new faces - not having to park two blocks away because all of the parking had been taken up by unfamiliar cars.

“I can’t believe we had to fucking _walk_ to this party,” Kylo grumbled as he tugged you closer to his side. The funny thing was that despite the huge guest list, the party wasn’t even rowdy. Paige flung the front door to her apartment open and threw her arms around both yourself and Kylo. 

“Oh I’m so glad that you guys are here! Rose and Finn are already here,” she exclaimed before tugging the red wine out of Kylo’s grip and pressing kisses against your cheeks. 

Fabulously dressed individuals filled the small space, and you excitedly took in the sight of so many different types of people mingling together. A tall leggy model you recognized from the cover of Harper’s Bazaar was gingerly sipping on a flute of champagne while chatting up a bookish looking shorter man. Kylo leaned over to whisper, “The guy with the model just released his latest collection of essays. It’s been on the New York Time’s Bestseller list for three weeks straight.” 

Traversing through LA’s finest young up-and-coming crowd, you finally landed upon Rose and Finn. Rose wrapped you up in a hug that was all warmth and love, while Finn and Kylo participated in a handshake turned hug. You smiled up at Kylo as he effused congratulations and Finn humbly waved them off. 

As the night wore on and people began to slowly disperse, you found yourself perched atop Kylo’s lap and snuggled right into his chest. Head resting against his shoulder, you felt sleepy as he soothingly ran one hand up and down your side while the other wrapped around your front. Everyone else was settled in around the coffee table, and you were content to just listen in on the surrounding conversations.

Rose’s phone dinged and she gasped in happiness and surprise. Turning towards Finn, she showed him the phone. “It looks like our friend from the bakery is going to make it after all! He’s outside, I’ll go and get him!” Finn laughed and gave her bum a light smack as his girlfriend shot out of her seat.

Paige quirked an eyebrow and Finn laughed. “We made friends with a guy who just moved to town. He’s kind of shy, but really nice. We’ve kind of adopted him as our newest friend.”

“Ditching us for new pals?” you teased. Rose rolled her eyes in response and bounded towards the front door. Kylo, meanwhile, ignored the exchange in favor of moving to nip your throat. You giggled and batted him away with a light swat. Sitting on his lap was already considered massive PDA to you. Although he was patient, Kylo was still inherently a rather handsy guy. You knew his affections manifested in physical ways, and he was trying his best to not overwhelm you. 

You remember shyly trying to articulate that no, you weren’t opposed to sex or other forms of physical intimacy. In fact, you were really eager to explore that terrain with Kylo. But you were still tentative and embarrassingly uninformed. Kylo eagerly volunteered to play the role of teacher, and while it could have easily sounded slimy, his sentiment was far from it. 

He was gentle and patient. Always asking if this or that was acceptable. He’d become attuned to reading your emotions, almost having a sixth sense on when to ease off the gas. Over the course of the past few months, you’d become comfortable with expressing your love through touch. You had still yet move past kissing, but that didn’t stop you from taking any opportunity to feel Kylo’s warm flesh against yours in the form of hand holding and cuddles. 

Rose suddenly reappeared clutching onto the arm of a flustered gentleman. He awkwardly stuttered, “Sorry for the tardiness! I was kept at the office for...” 

His voice trailed off as you squealed, “Armie!” Half-tipsy, you sprang up from Kylo’s lap and jumped into the man’s arms. He stumbled backwards and laughed as you clung to the lapels of his suit jacket. He chuckled and carefully steadied you at an arm’s length. Catching Kylo’s very obvious glare from across the way, he made sure to keep a healthy distance between your bodies. 

You giggled as Kylo muttered underneath his breath and jumped up to grab you from Armitage’s arms. Tucking you safely into his side, he tugged you back towards the couch until you landed in his lap once again. 

“A tad bit possessive, wouldn’t you say?” Finn mock whispered towards Paige. The woman laughed and replied, “Oh it’s all just posturing. The man’s a mouse with that girl.” 

Case in point, you wrestled your way out of his grip with a groan, ignoring Kylo’s muted whimper as you stomped back towards Armitage. Completely ignoring your boyfriend, you linked your arm into Armie’s you asked, “How do you know Rose and Finn?” 

You looked at him in curiosity as the man’s cheeks pinked. The normally composed Armitage Hux was suddenly struggling for words when Finn cut in. 

“He frequents the bakery! He came in so often that Rose started chatting him up, and we all became fast friends.” Rose settled in next to her boyfriend and added, “I invited him tonight to get to know the gang. I didn’t realize that you guys already knew each other!” She gestured between yourself and the redhead. 

“Our parents know each other,” you simply explained. Rose smiled and leaned over to give Finn a kiss on the cheek. “Honey, can you get me a refill? Maybe something for Armie?” she lovingly asked. Finn nodded and gave her a tender pat on the thigh before standing. The kissed again, and you flinched as Armitage’s grip on your arm tightened. 

Frowning, you looked between the couple and the man on your arm. Rose made grabbing motions towards Armitage and squealed, “Come sit next to me! I’m pretty sure that Kylo wants his girlfriend back.” 

His grip tightened further, and you could almost feel tension rolling off his back. He craned his neck to look at the space next to Kylo. “I...uh,” Armitage awkwardly stammered as he moved to sit next to Kylo. Understanding washed over your boyfriend’s face as he suddenly leapt up. “I’m gonna smoke a cig,” Kylo choked before dipping out of the room. If you didn’t know better, you’d think that Kylo was avoiding Armitage, and that Armitage was avoiding Rose. 

Armie heaved a sigh of relief and slid into the now vacant seat, leaving you standing in the middle of the living room. The skin between your eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

What the hell was going on with those guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can't I ever just write a happy story with no drama involved?


	10. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the past just can't stay dead.

Chapter Ten

For all his stubborn reticence, it was easy to read Kylo. It was all in the details: like how his fingers twitched in a conscious effort not to clench his fists or the way he’d sometimes pull air between his teeth in a subtle hiss. 

A blast of cool air hit your senses as you pushed the sliding glass door open in search of your boyfriend. Kylo was leaning against the railing of Paige’s balcony staring into the distance. A cigarette hung uselessly between his fingers, barely smoked and already gone out.

Despite the chill of a Los Angeles night, his body felt warm underneath your touch as you ran a loving palm up his back. The thin material of his t-shirt bunched slightly underneath your hand before smoothing out with the downward stroke of your palm.

“Can you talk to me? Please?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he rumbled, his voice low and hoarse. 

You snaked your arms around his torso, and rested a cheek between his shoulder blades. “There’s a difference, you know. Between needing space and keeping secrets.” Kylo tilted his head backwards to lean against you. His chest heaved up and down in deep breaths as he unceremoniously tossed his cigarette aside.

“You might love me now, but I’m afraid that you could never love the monster I once was,” he shakily exhaled. His chest vibrated underneath your touch as the man trembled into your embrace.

“I love _you_. Is that not enough?” 

He dipped his head down to his chest. Silence passed between the two of you, only broken by the muffled sound of your friends laughing inside or a passing car on the street below. Finally, Kylo breathed, “It is. My concern is that _I’m_ not enough.” 

Leaning further against his body, you wished you could press every ounce of love and affection into his body. You knew how painful it was to feel in inadequate. To feel fear that somehow your most could never be enough. That somehow, there was no amount of love that could supersede your loneliness. 

It broke your heart that Kylo felt this way. Because he was wholly and completely enough. You had no desire to fix his brokenness. Rather, you wished to collect all of his pieces and hold them tenderly. To protect him at whatever the cost. 

Almost as if he could read your thoughts, the man’s muscles relaxed underneath your touch. You felt the corded flesh slowly unravel as he turned to pull you into his arms. You allowed him to hug you in silence as he drew what he needed from the well of your affections.

“Hux doesn’t know it yet, but he knows my darkest secret,” Kylo finally whispered into your ear. His voice wavered at the end, warbling the consonants together so they sounded like a wave cresting over rocks.

You were about to ask for clarification when the door slid open again. The two of you turned to cast your attention towards a very red-faced Paige. Completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere she shouted, “Come on, lovebirds! Stop ditching the party to suck face! Or...other things...” 

She cackled as you blushed at the implication and disappeared before Kylo could shoot back a retort in your defense. You crumpled into your boyfriend’s grip with an exasperated sigh and giggled. “I guess we should go back. I feel like this is a conversation that we should have without the risk of interruption.” 

He laughed, “Yeah. I promise we’ll talk about it when we get home, alright?” 

You nodded into his chest and sighed. It seemed like the entirety of your relationship had been filled with far too many “talk about it when we get home” moments. Why couldn’t the universe just let you have a straightforward answer for once in your life?

Kylo slipped his hand into yours and headed back towards the living room. It seemed as if all other guests had cleared the party, leaving just the usual suspects crowded around Paige’s glass coffee table. Finn had returned and was balancing Rose atop one thigh while Paige sat next to the couple. 

Across the table, Armitage was seated alone on the opposing couch, leaving enough space for yourself and Kylo. Keeping in mind your boyfriend’s earlier admission, you slid into the middle cushion, keeping some space between the two men. Catching onto your action, Kylo gave your hand an appreciative squeeze and followed suit. 

“So, can we talk about how you’re going to make me rich and famous?” Finn jokingly laughed as he handed you a bowl of popcorn. Apparently it was that post-party time of the night where everyone unwinded with snacks before calling it a night. 

Kylo grabbed some popcorn while you chuckled, “I’m just hitching my wagon to your star.” Paige cracked open a bottle of water and rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so modest. I’ve been watching you work for the past few months, and you’re incredible. I don’t think I’ve seen someone pick up so quickly. Plus, you have crazy intuition when it comes to snagging great deals.” 

Your cheeks heated at the words of praise from Paige. Pride swelled in your heart because for the first time you felt like you had earned the praise. Your mother’s friends would pile on comments about how _pretty_ and _sweet_ you were, but never about your actual accomplishments. Plus, Paige wasn’t the type to dole our compliments unless she meant them.

“Well, we still have to get you signed and have an on-boarding meeting. Have you been down to the offices yet?” you tried to steer the conversation away from yourself. Kylo gently pinched your side and teased, “Don’t be so shy, dear. I’d love to keep talking about how amazing my girlfriend is. Rose, got any compliments to add?” 

You buried your face into your hands and sighed as everyone laughed. Paige groaned and flopped backwards against the back of the couch. “Ugh, you guys are disgustingly cute. Leave it to me to be sandwiched between two lovesick couples.” She pointed at yourself and Kylo, and then Rose and Finn.

She then turned to Hux and joked, “Better watch out, I’m feeling kind of hormonal. I might try and date you by the end of the night.” Hux’s eyes widened, and a peal of laughter filled the room. You leaned against his shoulder and mock whispered, “Lucky guy. It’s not everyday someone can convince Paige to settle down.” 

He cleared his throat and immediately busied himself with stacking some crackers with cheese and prosciutto. Hux then attempted to swing the conversation to safer ground. Specifically, somewhere away from himself or dating. He leaned forward and balanced an elbow on his knee to look at Kylo. 

“So, Kylo. Where are you originally from? I think I hear a bit of an accent?”

The dark-haired man immediately stiffened, and you instinctively placed a hand on his back. Rubbing soothing circles into his lower back, you tried to send him feelings of calm. Kylo pretended to look for a napkin in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Hux. 

“Chandrila,” was all he supplied. 

Armitage’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and interest. Chandrila was a small town within the South that was favored by American old, _old_ money. While your predecessors made their fortune through the Industrial Revolution, those who called Chandrila home made their wealth through the land. They were the type who had already been wealthy prior to immigrating to America. 

Kylo always had a slight accent to his voice, but it had never been noticeable enough to ask him about it. Apparently the man had been stamping it down. There wasn’t a deep enough twang to suggest that he was working class - the only other option would mean...

But it wouldn’t make sense. If he did come from one of the major families down there, what was he doing up here working several jobs to make ends meet? Sensing your confusion and Hux’s interest, Kylo cleared his throat.

“I was born there. My parents were always traveling... my, uh, father is an antique salesman. When I started school it was hard for them to continue traveling while I was at home, so they sent me up North to live with my Uncle. He’s a teacher.” 

Hux seemed satisfied with the answer, and you suspected it was because the man imagined Kylo’s father as more _Pawn Stars_ and less _old money_. Something didn’t sit right with you though. Kylo’s story didn’t sound like a lie, but it certainly sounded like a half-truth. He shot you a look that read _“I know, I know. I promised to tell you at home”_ , so you let it go. 

Unfortunately, either Armitage’s sense of reading a given situation completely flew out the door, or Kylo was just too good at hiding his discomfort. Because Hux happily continued, “I used to spend summers vacationing down in Chandrila with my family. Such a lovely town. I wonder if we knew any of the same people? You can’t be that much younger than me?” 

Kylo clenched his fists and gritted out, “No. I don’t think we would have.” 

Thankfully, Paige gave an audible yawn and then gasped in embarrassment. Seizing the moment, you joked, “Looks like that’s our cue that we’re overstaying our welcome! Kylo, help me clean up so poor Paige can get some rest?” 

The man practically flew out of his seat like the goddamn cushion was on fire. He disappeared into the kitchen before you could even stand. Hux gave a nervous chuckle. “Was it something I said?” he joked. 

You shook your head and began to collect the trash. “He’s just eager to get home. I promised him some cuddles before bed.” At this, Rose giggled “cuddles” while framing the word with ample air quotes. She just about fell over in laughter at your embarrassed expression. Finn groaned at his girlfriend’s antics and shoved her aside with his hip. 

“Less teasing, more helping,” he chided with absolutely no force behind his words. She stuck her tongue out and made her way to join Kylo in the kitchen. You could hear clanking from glass shifting against glass. He was probably collecting random beer bottles and cans strewn around the home. 

Hux paused for a moment as a hand rested on the table in front of him. His eyes were zeroed in on nothing. He was clearly deep in thought and something was forcing him to concentrate deeply. He slowly turned to address you. 

“How old did you say Kylo was?” 

“I didn’t,” you tried to calmly reply. By now Paige had disappeared to the bathroom while Finn joined his girlfriend in the kitchen. 

“Thirty? Thirty-one?” Hux ventured. 

You tried to put on a lighthearted tone as you playfully slapped his arm. “Hux, why are you suddenly so interested in Kylo? You’re not going to try and steal my man now are you?” He frowned, clearly not in the mood for jokes. He was completely focused on searching for an answer to whatever question that was on his mind. 

You waited with bated breath - the man was clearly about to come to a conclusion. Just then, Kylo returned to the room and Hux’s eyes immediately shot up to stare at your boyfriend. You watched in horror as Armie’s face crumpled in horror. 

Stepping back a little, Hux gasped and you watched as all color drained from Kylo’s face. Two words shattered whatever façade Kylo had been attempting to keep. 

Hux’s voice was barely a whisper as he gasped, “Benjamin Solo.”


	11. Crash and Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of drug abuse and its consequences up ahead.

Kylo didn’t let a single second pass before he was up on his feet. Snatching his leather jacket off the back of the couch, he threw it over your shoulders before clutching onto your hand. The man practically dragged you towards the front door while growling, “Come on. We’re getting the fuck out of here.” 

You could barely pull on your boots as Kylo impatiently tugged on your arm. Resignation set on Hux’s face as he stalked forward. By now Finn, Rose, and Paige had returned looking confused and concerned at the volatile scene unfolding right before their eyes. Kylo was just about to slam the door open when Hux’s next sentence stopped him dead in his tracks.

“You sure you’re okay to drive, _Solo_? Wouldn’t want you to go killing someone else’s daughter, now do we?” 

His knuckles turned white as Kylo gripped the door handle. You looked between the two men in bewilderment, unsure of what was happening. It seemed like the rest of your friends shared the same sentiment as they nervously eyed each other. 

Kylo’s voice was thin as he weakly replied, “It was an accident. She was drunk.” 

You had never seen your friend this vicious before. Hux’s eyes were alive like flames licking the edge of a pan, threatening to spill over and catch everything on fire. He cruelly scoffed, “Do you think that excuses what happened? Do you think that your pitiful rationalization makes a difference? Bazine is still dead because of you.” 

Kylo choked, shoulders shaking as he refused to look up from the floor. 

“Armie, that’s enough. Let me take him home,” you whispered while stepping between the men. Hux gave you a look of absolute betrayal. He was practically shouting at this point. Completely ignoring you, he raised his voice towards Kylo. 

“Men like you disgust me. You act like you’re above your family name, yet still take advantage of the opportunities that come with its history. At least people like myself can acknowledge our privilege. You may have changed your name, _Kylo_ , but you’re still a spoiled twat that literally got away with murder.”

“That’s enough!” You shouted back at Hux. Regardless of what the truth was, it was clear that Kylo was shaken up. His visage was white and you could tell that his skin was becoming clammy. Stalking up to the redhead you yelled, “I will _not_ have you talk to him like this! If you have even a shred of respect for me, you’ll allow me to get to the bottom of this myself without screaming at my boyfriend!”

Hux glared at you and spat back, “You don’t even know who you boyfriend is.” He pushed past you before shoving Kylo aside to leave the apartment. The door slammed behind him, causing the nearby wall to creak in response. Turning towards your friends you apologized. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m going to take Kylo home. Please...please don’t...” 

Rose was the first to run up and throw her arms around you. She cooed, “We don’t pass judgement around here. Especially if we don’t know the whole story. Don’t worry about Hux, okay?” 

You nodded with teary eyes, and sniffled at the sight of Finn giving Kylo a comforting hug. Kylo was still stiff, but you noticed that some of the tension had left his shoulders.

Bidding everyone goodnight, you wrestled the keys from Kylo’s palm and drove him home. He didn’t protest as you pushed him into the house, and then up to the bedroom. He sat at the edge of your bed with his head between his hands, silently listening to the shuffling of your feet as you paced the length of your bedroom.

“Stop.” 

Kylo’s voice was barely audible, yet still firm. He reached out and grabbed your wrist before pulling you to sit by his side. “It probably doesn’t mean anything anymore, but I love you so damn much. I love you enough to accept that...if after hearing my story...you might not want to be in my life anymore.” 

Kylo’s breath shuddered once, then he began to relay the details of his past. 

Closing his eyes, he returned to the fateful night that changed everything. All his life, Benjamin Solo was precisely not what was expected of him. Although his grandmother had left her title behind to chase an American business man across the ocean, Ben was still born with royal blood. 

And despite no longer holding a passport to her mother’s country, Ben’s mother was royalty of the American kind. Deeply steeped in politics, Leia Organa wielded power and influence. Combined with the old money and power of her father and mother, she quickly rose to prominence within the country. Following in her mother’s footsteps, she married someone who seemingly came out of left field. 

But while Han Solo wasn’t royalty, he was far from poor. The man made a name for himself through wild business deals and charisma alone. Kylo hadn’t technically lied when he said his father was antique salesman. He did sell antiques. If by “antique” you meant only the rarest and most divine of artifacts. 

Maybe it was the pressure of the combined influence of his parents. Maybe it was weight of his family name suffocating him on a daily basis. Or maybe he was just plain unlucky...

But Benjamin Solo arrived on this Earth distinctly ordinary, and somewhat _lacking_ , depending on who you asked. He was bookish, lanky, and loved the arts more than people. Everything was only made worse by his parents attempting to “help” him socialize, and the parents of other children forcing their offspring to befriend “that Solo kid”. 

Other kids could tell that he was different, and no amount of pleading from their parents could force children to befriend a “weirdo”. They’d gather and tease him relentlessly, always jeering that “Solo will die solo”. 

And he believed it. 

The loneliness was only amplified by the fact that his parents weren’t even bothered that he was teased. They were _embarrassed_. He remembered overhearing them fighting one night, his father exclaiming that it was unacceptable to have a son who was bullied. 

“Solo men aren’t losers,” Han cried out to Leia.

His mother’s silence was the final nail in the coffin before Ben was shipped off to attend Luke’s boarding school up north. The school was for troubled kids, which was apparently synonymous to _loser_ according to his parents. They claimed that it was an opportunity for a fresh start. 

But he knew that they were just tired of raising him. 

While uncle Luke did his best to tell Kylo he was gifted, the damage of having his parents give up on him was already done. The summer of his eighteenth birthday, Ben Solo returned home with a bone to pick. 

Time away had transformed a boy into a man. Apparently being reticent could be seen as mysterious and sexy if it was packaged in a six-foot-four man built like a refrigerator. 

Everyone was getting ready to leave for college, meaning only one thing for the young and rich of Chandrila - parties abound and embracing the excessive nature of those fortunate enough to making a living off of “passion projects”. 

He swept into town ready to show just how _fucking cool_ he could be. Days bled into each other as he spiraled down to despair with drugs and alcohol paving the way. His mother was onto him though, and did her best to reel her only son back. She’d plead with him every night before he left for another evening of whirlwind antics. 

You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

You’re perfect just the way you are. 

We love you.

But it was too little, too late. Benjamin Solo was out of control. He’d unabashedly bring home girl after girl, even being brazen enough to send one packing the next morning right in front of Leia. He’d never forget his mother’s expression as she shockingly took in the sight of a poor girl in nothing but her underwear clutching onto last night’s dress as she stumbled through the kitchen and out the back door. 

He’d come home at night obviously high off of ecstasy without a care as to what his parents thought. His mother would beg, threaten, and plead again. But nothing mattered. Han merely shrugged and joked that Ben was only going through a phase. 

“Every young man needs to do some exploring before he settles down, Leia,” Han groused as his wife expressed her concerns yet again. 

But even Han had to admit that Ben had a problem when a neighbor’s kid called Leia in a panic. “Mr. Solo, you need to come and get Ben. He’s really messed up and trying to drive home. He won’t listen to anyone.”

Han arrived to the house party just in time to catch Ben sitting behind the wheel. His car idled as he argued back and forth through the window with some other party goer. Probably the one who phoned Ben’s parents. Han grumbled and threw himself into the passenger seat. 

“Kid, turn off the car and let me drive you home.” 

Ben had never respected his father nor obeyed a word out the man’s mouth. So he wasn’t going to start now. He shoved the young man away from his window, and peeled out the driveway. 

Han learned the hard way the Ben had now moved onto doing cocaine. Flying down the street, Ben hit eighty on a forty-five, and for the first time Han Solo felt fear. His pleading fell on deaf ears, as Ben became blinded by rage, spite, and bitterness. And just as they rounded the corner, Ben’s Mustang crashed into an oncoming car.

Bazine Netal died upon impact. 

And because life was cruel and deeply unfair, Ben escaped with nothing but a razor thin scar running down his face. It wasn’t even visible unless you really looked. 

All he remembered from the crash was Han unbuckling both of them from their seats. The father pushed his son out of the car, screaming for him to run as far away from the site as possible. Sliding into the driver’s seat, Han prepped to take the fall in lieu of his son. 

As Ben ran down the street, he didn’t even notice that Bazine had a passenger in the car. 

A young Armitage Hux might have been fading in and out of consciousness, but Ben’s retreating figure was unmistakable. Although he insisted to the authorities that Han wasn’t driving, his pleas were ignored and swept under the rug. 

The Organa-Solo name just held too much influence.

The added fact that Bazine, herself, had been driving under the influence didn’t help matters either. The community simply gave empty platitudes, lamenting the loss of young life and spinning a story of poor Han Solo caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

How unfortunate that _she_ crashed into _him_. Even if the facts didn’t stack up. 

By the time Benjamin Solo came out of rehab, he had changed his name and disappeared west. Unable to face his mistakes or his parents, he opted to shrug off his namesake and forgo his birthright. 

Kylo was sobbing now. Silent streams of salted tears trailed down his cheeks, only amplified as you pulled him into a tender embrace. Yes, what had happened was a tragedy. But no, he was a not a monster. _Never_ a monster in your eyes.

His eyes were open and vulnerable as he silently begged you to continue loving him. Rising up onto your knees, you cupped Kylo’s face. Picking up his tears against your lips, you attempted to dry his sorrow with your soft kisses.

“You are not that boy from your past. I love you for who you are now. Who you’ve become,” you cooed. Kylo leaned his cheek against yours and shuddered. 

A truth wormed its way in the center of his heart. Benjamin Solo or Kylo Ren - it didn’t matter. 

All he knew was that he had finally found his belonging in you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to end this chapter on such a sad note (and to be honest, I've been in quite a _mood_ lately, and I think the angst translated into my writing). On the bright side though, everything is laid out on the table now. Now that they've faced their demons, they can finally move forward together :) 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! Wishing you all a lovely week! <3


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